[hawski]

My wife is pregnant with our first. I am receiving advice constantly, but will have to wait to see what will be effective. The most interesting advice for me is the Baby-led potty training [1]. If it will work it should probably make nights easier, because change of diapers would go away earlier.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby-led_potty_training

[rsync]

Here are two unrelated (and unsolicited!) pieces of advice that I think are worthwhile:

First, parents should give serious consideration to sleeping in shifts or sleeping in different rooms. Don't sacrifice your health and sanity on the altar of "healthy couples always sleep together every single night no matter what".

Second, take note of the fact that kids do not generally throw fits about being put in their carseat. That's because they quickly realize that no matter what they do, no matter what happens, no matter what the situation - they always have to go in the carseat. That's interesting because it demonstrates that you absolutely can successfully introduce any arbitrary behavior in your child ... provided that you enforce 100% compliance. 99% compliance ? Expect WW3. Expect pain. But 100% compliance - you can make that work.

[xenadu02]

This is by far the #1 thing. Humans are adaptable. If you (and partner) stay 100% committed to something kids will accept it as reality and move on. Waver for a moment and they see an opening. Just last night there was a stream of whining and fussing over dinner. After 5-10 minutes of us calmly saying no, sit down at the table, no you can't have something else, no you can't get up and go play they both just gave up and ate dinner with no complaints.

At times it can be a delicate balance between enforcing the rules that are truly important, being sensitive to their needs/capabilities, and letting go of things that don't really matter.

#2 thing is offer perceived choice, or give them a "win". Don't ask if they want to get dressed, offer them a choice between two outfits. Being stubborn about dinner: Do you want a fork instead of a spoon? Put it in a bowl? Some ketchup? Soooooo many times just giving them something to feel in-control about works wonders.

[rsync]

Yes - it really teaches you to choose your battles. We have to constantly examine what we're about to say because once we say it, it's law - we have to take it all the way to the (sometimes absurd) conclusion. Sometimes it's better to say nothing at all.

Great advice about "false" choices - those are great. We always give choices like "do you want to get ready for bed now, or in five minutes ?" You can avoid lots of angst with those.

[fudgy73]

How do you guys deal with grandparents / family members / other 'grown-ups' that don't know and or don't follow your 'laws?'

[hprotagonist]

That's a different game.

"Grandma lets me do X" is not necessarily the same as "I can now do X all the time", as they will find out the next time they try X at home ...

[opo]

>...That's interesting because it demonstrates that you absolutely can successfully introduce any arbitrary behavior in your child ... provided that you enforce 100% compliance. 99% compliance ? Expect WW3. Expect pain. But 100% compliance - you can make that work.

I think that is right, but a car seat is not a great example. Babies tend to feel more secure when wrapped tightly, so it isn't hard to get them to adapt to a car seat. No one I know has ever had a problem getting a baby into a car seat.

[pavel_lishin]

Seconding the first bit of advice; I would go to sleep at 9 and sleep 'til 3 while my wife took care of night feedings, and then it would be my turn to start waking up to feed the kid until it was time for me to leave to go to work (~9ish.)

And, about the car seat issue: ours still starts fussing and flexing whenever we try to put her in the stroller, despite ... her always going in the stroller.

[bunderbunder]

There's one key piece of knowledge that finally helped me understand all the conflicting advice I got from other parents: Knowing a little bit about the psychology of superstitions and how they tend to develop.

Long story short, if you're in a stressful situation where things you really want and care about (e.g., sleep) seem to happen randomly, then you're going to be actively hunting for any pattern that you can grasp onto. You're also going to be in a situation that's chock full of spurious correlations.

[zrail]

Just went through this. The advice never stops. My best piece of advice (ha ha) is to ignore everyone and do what works for your family.

[voidz]

Oh man, I could write a book about this. A little over 10 months ago our first was born. A boy. And the first 6 months were like a crazy rollercoaster, personally and in the sense of finding balance in the dynamic between the both of us as new parents. Very intense.

"Holy crap. I'm a dad!"

One of the most incredible internal processes I experienced was that, out of nowhere, I suddenly just knew stuff, like what to do, how to act, how to help, how to be there.

I won't write that book here, hehe - the point I basically want to make is that lots of places talk about the amazing maternal instinct, but without a doubt there is also such a thing as the paternal instinct: you know what the little guy/gal needs, what mother and child both need, and this all comes naturally. I didn't have a clue until all of a sudden I just did.

That's how it was to me at least. Like some kind of DNA-code activated all kinds of things that had an impact on my sense of self, my behaviour, my self-confidence got a boost too, and so on and so forth.

And it's true what they say: you need to have experienced it before you can really understand it.

So, to the grandparent (and parent) posters: godspeed and I wish you all the best. Have fun, and if you're anything like me then know this: patience does pay off ond things do get back to normal. Hard to realise when you're still riding that rollercoaster, but still very true indeed.

[DanBC]

Some advice is good.

"Don't use homeopathic teething gels", for example.

[zrail]

Eh. At least they won't do anything actively harmful.

[DanBC]

The claim is that homeopathic medication contains zero active ingredient, and so it can't harm you.

But just about anyone can set up a factory making this stuff, and there's not much regulation, which means we have no idea what's really in there.

Homeopathic teething gels are linked to possibly 10 deaths, and 400 children harmed. That's after the manufacturers were warned about incorrect dilution.

http://arstechnica.com/science/2016/10/fda-homeopathic-teeth...

> Last month, the Food and Drug Administration warned parents to stop using homeopathic teething gels and tablets, which may have been improperly diluted. Yesterday the agency said it is investigating 10 infant deaths and more than 400 reports of seizures, fever, and vomiting that may be connected to the use of the teething treatments in the past six years.

[zrail]

Jesus. I had no idea.

[bunderbunder]

It's a really pernicious myth that homeopathy can't do anything harmful. Skeptics love to talk about the extremely high dilutions because it makes a story that suits their purposes well. But doing so is a bit dishonest; homeopathy generally doesn't use extremely high dilutions, but it doesn't always use extremely high dilutions. Nor are production standards particularly well regulated or enforced in many countries.

As a couple others just pointed out, homeopathic teething drops in particular have come under recent scrutiny in the US for having dangerous concentrations of belladonna.

[navbaker]

Sure, if you don't count seizures as "actively harmful" [1]

[1] http://www.fda.gov/NewsEvents/Newsroom/PressAnnouncements/uc...

[pavel_lishin]

In my experience, the stronger the opinion about the piece of advice, the less likely it is to be worthwhile.

With the obvious exception of actual medical advice, and how to let a baby sleep to minimize SIDS.

[marktangotango]

What strikes me is how everyone I talk to has a different experience. Like I talk to some people who say their baby slept through the night after a couple of months, and others like myself who's kids didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time for 6 months or a year. Indeed, take all advice with caution.

One thing I will say is; even if your wife is stay home, get up with the children when you can, she NEEDS the break. My wif works full time so I always shared the duty. We bottle fed though, which meant I could share the duty.

[protomyth]

> What strikes me is how everyone I talk to has a different experience.

Every kid is different sadly and especially siblings. My only advice is make sure you get a developmental screening from an expert.

// here is one example of the Denver II http://drhart.net/clinic/forms/denver%20ii%20developmental%2...

[analog31]

In my experience, a lot of the "advice" is really a form of bragging.

[marmaduke]

Mine would stick out and curl his tongue about 10 seconds before peeing. It's all about communication.