[rsync]

Here are two unrelated (and unsolicited!) pieces of advice that I think are worthwhile:

First, parents should give serious consideration to sleeping in shifts or sleeping in different rooms. Don't sacrifice your health and sanity on the altar of "healthy couples always sleep together every single night no matter what".

Second, take note of the fact that kids do not generally throw fits about being put in their carseat. That's because they quickly realize that no matter what they do, no matter what happens, no matter what the situation - they always have to go in the carseat. That's interesting because it demonstrates that you absolutely can successfully introduce any arbitrary behavior in your child ... provided that you enforce 100% compliance. 99% compliance ? Expect WW3. Expect pain. But 100% compliance - you can make that work.

[xenadu02]

This is by far the #1 thing. Humans are adaptable. If you (and partner) stay 100% committed to something kids will accept it as reality and move on. Waver for a moment and they see an opening. Just last night there was a stream of whining and fussing over dinner. After 5-10 minutes of us calmly saying no, sit down at the table, no you can't have something else, no you can't get up and go play they both just gave up and ate dinner with no complaints.

At times it can be a delicate balance between enforcing the rules that are truly important, being sensitive to their needs/capabilities, and letting go of things that don't really matter.

#2 thing is offer perceived choice, or give them a "win". Don't ask if they want to get dressed, offer them a choice between two outfits. Being stubborn about dinner: Do you want a fork instead of a spoon? Put it in a bowl? Some ketchup? Soooooo many times just giving them something to feel in-control about works wonders.

[rsync]

Yes - it really teaches you to choose your battles. We have to constantly examine what we're about to say because once we say it, it's law - we have to take it all the way to the (sometimes absurd) conclusion. Sometimes it's better to say nothing at all.

Great advice about "false" choices - those are great. We always give choices like "do you want to get ready for bed now, or in five minutes ?" You can avoid lots of angst with those.

[fudgy73]

How do you guys deal with grandparents / family members / other 'grown-ups' that don't know and or don't follow your 'laws?'

[hprotagonist]

That's a different game.

"Grandma lets me do X" is not necessarily the same as "I can now do X all the time", as they will find out the next time they try X at home ...

[opo]

>...That's interesting because it demonstrates that you absolutely can successfully introduce any arbitrary behavior in your child ... provided that you enforce 100% compliance. 99% compliance ? Expect WW3. Expect pain. But 100% compliance - you can make that work.

I think that is right, but a car seat is not a great example. Babies tend to feel more secure when wrapped tightly, so it isn't hard to get them to adapt to a car seat. No one I know has ever had a problem getting a baby into a car seat.

[pavel_lishin]

Seconding the first bit of advice; I would go to sleep at 9 and sleep 'til 3 while my wife took care of night feedings, and then it would be my turn to start waking up to feed the kid until it was time for me to leave to go to work (~9ish.)

And, about the car seat issue: ours still starts fussing and flexing whenever we try to put her in the stroller, despite ... her always going in the stroller.