[methodover]

Fuuuuuuck. Sometimes I think I have a good handle on death, and what it means. Sometimes I think I understand it. Sometimes I think I don't fear it.

Then something like this happens and, just, _fuck_. I don't know how to handle it. Someone my age, doing something very similar to me, just dies. That's it. Story's over.

A few weeks ago I told my CEO that I intended to quit and pursue a dream that I've been wanting to pursue for a long time now. My boss seemed pretty surprised -- it's a really good job after all, with good pay, at a good company. I gave him an argument that began with, "I'm going to die. Not like, I'm going to die soon. I don't have a disease or anything. I don't know when it's going to happen, but it could happen soon." And then I went on to talk about pursuing said dream.

At the time it felt like a really silly argument -- like, I'm not even thirty yet and I'm thinking about how I'm going to die someday. Then something like this happens. And death feels so much closer, so much more real. Like a nightmare just waiting around the corner, ending my story before I'm done with it.

[peterwwillis]

Yes, you are going to die. You are also going to pay your taxes, get a girlfriend, buy a house, travel, have crazy adventures, and do all the other boring, amazing, stupid, wonderful things people do.

I think it's a bit strange how people compare themselves and their lives to some imaginary metric, as if you need to get a certain number of points before the game ends. Sure, you can use strategy guides, wall bugs, and precise timing to win the prize as fast as you can with as high a score as you can. But the most important part of playing a game, much like living life, is not to win - it's to enjoy playing!

It's not silly to want to accomplish things and to work towards your goals right now. But don't let the eventuality of death be the reason you get off your butt. Make it that you just really want to get in the game and play.

[marincounty]

I felt like you do now when I was your age. I had a nervous breakdown, in part because of my extreme fear of death. After the breakdown, I knew my life was over. Meaning the life I envisioned for myself was over. I just wasn't the same person. I felt like an alien.

Well, as the years went by, I managed to survive. Dying young is an anomaly. It's rare. Do what you want in your life, but you will probally make it to old age. It does go by quick, so have some fun. In my case, the fear of death lessened as I got older. The lessening of the fear of death might be the only thing that age offers? No--most fear went down with each year that passed. Some of it was learning? For instance, for years, I didn't declair a bankruptcy because I optimistically overstated my income on a credit card application. I talked to a good lawyer, and he said "You along with everyone else!". "Of course--no one admits it though?" (I not stating it's good to lie, but knowledge lessens fear. Along, with a good lawyer? Oh yea, if you live a risky life; get to know the legal system. Know those statute of limitations.) Again went off base, I just saying you will statistically make it old age.

[twitmwu]

I've spent the past few weeks going through the nervous breakdown you describe in your first paragraph.

A few years worth of stress (life/startup/etc.) managed to explode in a single night thanks to a rather traumatic experience with alcohol and hallucinogenic drugs, and in the weeks that have followed I've come to realize my anxieties come from this extreme fear of death/impermanence.

I'm still taking things day by day, and the panic attacks are passing more easily every day. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience. Reading little things like this from other people has helped me more than I can express :)

[ak39]

Take it easy fellow "extension of this universe"! We are all in this together.

Like Alan Watts said "You are something that the whole universe is doing .... in the same way that a wave is something the whole ocean is doing".

I can't remember anything before I was born. That wasn't painful at all. Why should I assume that it will be different after I'm dead?

I'm sure even Marcus Aurelius got tired of talking about death at some point and simply went out to get a beer or hug a warm body. Let's go do that. :-)