| What struck me the most in your comment is the fact that people just disappear. It's the same with me. If I don't call the other person won't either. If I call he/she is busy, on vacation, doing something else. If we meet we can stay up all night, chat, laugh, have a nice time. Then we both go on our separate ways. I really didn't understand how this works. I know that now I work a lot. But I wasn't like that when I was younger. Nevertheless it was always me that had to keep a relationship going. If I didn't do anything things faded away pretty quickly. If I did the relationship agonized for a while before ceasing. I know that I am not unpleasant - people don't talk with someone for hours just to be polite. And only one person has ever told me that she always hated me because of how annoyingly smart I was. But then again I went to university where one of my fears was that someone is smarter than I am (and probably a lot of folks actually were). When not at work most people relax with a game of cards, small talk about repairing the car, the new update for the phone, etc. What I do for fun when I am not programming is read about consciousness studies, biology and nutrition, philosophy, physics. If the person is up for it we can talk for hours on such a topic. But most people most of the time are not. I have two kids and I like talking about them - kids are fascinating and incredibly funny at the same time. However people who don't have kids don't have a clue what I am talking about (I was the same when I didn't have kids). People who have kids usually just want a beer. I like running, hiking, riding a bike - good topics for a conversation. Until I say that it's fun to ride a bike at night, while it's raining. So I was at lunch with my colleagues one day and it suddenly hit me - the problem is not that I am smarter or a genius or the like. It would be nice, but actually most of my colleagues are as smart as I am and some of them are smarter. The problem is that I cope with pain and hurdles differently. When people stop to rest I usually push some more. When they seek a shelter from the rain I want to ride more. When they need to chat with someone I need to read a book. I am a hyperactive introvert with a strange set of interests. I am a little different and because of that it's much harder for me to make friends. You say that you have started so many projects. To me this means that you have a lot of energy and it's quite possible that people just don't want to play catch up with you – it’s tiring for them and they may actually prefer to just relax. |
Shared suffering & growth is how you form the strongest bonds.
If you're biking w/ people and they stop to rest (or b/c of rain). Time to make a choice. You can keep going, or stop with them.
If you keep going, you'll grow, your legs will get stronger.
If you stop, they'll grow, their legs will get stronger. But you have to keep stopping to see it happen. In time they'll stop less often. You'll love watching them get stronger, and they'll love that you were there to witness their growth. You're sharing in their suffering, even if you're not winded or uncomfortable yourself.
Fast forward to the future, now you're struggling with something physically or emotionally, and one of them may stop to be by your side. They could've pushed past you but they want to be there for you. You were there for them.