[alashley]

I get the premise of the article, but not sure I entirely agree. A week or so ago I went to a live music show at a pub, I got up for a minute to go to the washroom, and when I came back someone was taking my chair from the table. Not such a good feeling. Stuff like this happens sometimes when people go to restaurants alone, I guess.

Maybe the important thing is to do things alone if necessary, but try to form connections with people. Human beings are social creatures, and we all need some form of interaction. Like my dad's mother-in-law told me, "Don't get too used to being alone." I asked her why, and she didn't really give much of an answer, but as I've grown older, I see the importance of friendships and relationships.

[saidajigumi]

I suppose, like so many things in life, dosage and quality matter in our social interactions. Having trouble forming connections with people, or having had key connections broken in a short time, can result in significant hardships. On the other hand, I've known far too many people over my life who suffered to varying degrees almost directly as a result of being unable to be outside of a "relationship" for any period of time. For many of them, I suspect that even one good episode of learning that it's OK to be on their own would have been life changing.

[paganel]

> Not such a good feeling. Stuff like this happens sometimes when people go to restaurants alone, I guess.

I go alone at restaurants pretty often, and what you described (more or less) only happened to me once: after I had finished my meal I went to the restroom. When I returned I found out that the book I had left on the table was no longer there. I asked the waiter about it (this was a fancy restaurant, where I go once in a blue moon), and he told me that the Italian tourists from the table next to me (some self-important shmucks) had told him that I had gone away for good, without paying.

Anyway, other than that eating out alone is pretty nice. I generally have issues with eating food in front of other people while talking and socializing (apart from very close people, like family or SO), so in this way I can eat whatever I like at whatever pace I want. Plus, I have like 4-5 or restaurants to which I go pretty often and is always nice to see that the people from there know you pretty well. May be because of the larger than average tips I leave at the end, or because they feel that I look strange eating out alone :), I wouldn't know, is nice all the same.

And about your relatives' piece of advice: In general is true, but is way, way harder when you find out that you are (and have been, for some time) alone by yourself even though you had been surrounded by all sorts of nice people who supposedly should have cared for you (family, close friends, SO etc).

[fredsted]

Leave your jacket :-)

[throwaway183839]

Kind of off topic, but your comment reminded me of something that I've wondered about for a couple of months.

I was in the US (NYC) last year and went to a music event at a bar. My girlfriend and I were there an hour early, so we grabbed a table of four near the front (we were meeting two other friends). When our friends arrived and sat down, we noticed that someone had left a jacket on one of the chairs at our table while we were sitting there (it wasn't there when we took the table).

We were a little confused but our friends sat down anyway. Right as the show was starting, an older guy came up and said that we were in "his" seat, as it had his jacket on it. He was pretty angry that we'd taken "his" seat, and we didn't feel like an argument, so we let him drag the chair off somewhere else, but it felt like he was being a bit of an asshole.

Is this a social thing in the US that I just don't get (I'm British) or was the guy just being an asshole?

[craigds]

Probably cultural. Where I'm from (NZ) chairs sorta belong to the table; you wouldn't take a chair from a table or hang your jacket on it if there's someone else sitting there, at least not without asking first.

I had a similar experience in a food court in Bangkok. My wife and I bought our food and sat down at a table that had some bagged food on it (since there weren't any clean tables available). Assuming it was someone's leftovers that they neglected to trash, we just moved the food to the side since there wasn't a rubbish bin nearby.

A few minutes later someone came up and angrily told us that was his table and it was his food, and he demanded we find another table.

Really confused but not yet learning our lesson we moved to another table and moved some more food aside. Another man yelled at us, this time even angrier.

Seems it's pretty common for people to buy one thing, take it to the nearest empty table to 'reserve' it, and go elsewhere and get more food.

I guess when you're in someone else's country you just have to realise that you probably are the asshole and apologise, even though it doesn't make much sense :S

[meric]

Maybe he was alone, he went to buy a drink and came back to find his seat taken? I wouldn't be too surprised if leaving your jacket to claim a seat is a common practice among older generations. If I imagine the setting to be 50's/60's, and watched it in a movie, it would seem you were the assholes. At least offer him a space in the table to join you. Alas, this is the modern times, so my critique does not apply, it's only a suggestion why the older man might be angry.

[thoman23]

TIL I am part of the "older generation". Kids today don't know to leave a jacket on a chair or movie theater seat to claim your territory?

Regarding the original question, the couple that arrived early should have "claimed" the two empty chairs by placing jackets or some other items on them. Failing that, they should have been alert to the "older" man who put his jacket down on it and immediately stated that the seat was already taken.

[meric]

I agree with you - but I've done that myself and still had my seat taken before, even with my stuff on the table, it only got moved to the corner! I only went to the bathroom and back. I told him to get up, he refused, and I only got it back after insisted he give me 10 minutes to finish my work - and then I gave it back to him (he was with his friends so he didn't want to be humiliated). My description of modern "etiquette" was descriptive, not prescriptive.

P.S. I specified older generation because the parent specified "older man".

[fiblye]

Well, I don't know about the "older generation", but I grew up being taught all throughout life to not leave any of my belongings anywhere unless I want them to get stolen.

Whenever I'm out somewhere with someone else and they set anything down on a table (jacket, hat, notes, wallet, anything) and get up to use the restroom, they say, "Make sure no one takes anything." I say the same.

I'm not sure if this is just a generational thing that follows from "stranger danger" or what.

[ownagefool]

On the other hand, it sucks when you can't get a seat in a half empty venue because everything is 'reserved'. Often myself and my girlfriend can spend a couple of hours somewhere standing, only to leave without these seats ever getting filled.

[ams6110]

"dad's mother-in-law" ... odd way to say "my grandmother" ?

[spacehome]

You're assuming his mother and father are presently married.

[droithomme]

English is possibly the least expressive language in history regarding relationship terminology. It is very common for non-english speakers to prefer idioms that more carefully map what they are thinking of instead of the highly limited and simplistic possibilities of english.

[gradys]

I'd be curious to hear more about this.

You're saying that it's idiomatic in some languages to say something that translates to "dad's mother-in-law" to refer to one's maternal grandmother?

What is the semantic difference between saying that and simply saying "maternal grandmother" (or just "grandmother")? Does it indicate something along the lines of "my grandmother" while also communicating distance from one's mother, or that one's mother has died?

Do you know of any other interesting relationship semantics that are frequently expressed in other languages, but awkward to say in English?

[alashley]

My dad got re-married after my parents split.