[kidsthesedays]

Complete BS. I've known many men who have sole or primary custody of their children including my sister in law's former husband. I also grew up with some kids who lived with the dads most of the time. This meme has to end because it isn't true. Sure, maybe most of the time the woman gets it but always is a complete lie.

[enraged_camel]

You missed the point entirely. The contention is society's automatic assumption that it's better to give custody of children to the mother, as opposed to the father. That's why women end up with the kids the vast majority of the time, and the only time they don't is when there's seriously wrong with them (e.g. abusive, mentally ill, etc.).

[dragonwriter]

> The contention is society's automatic assumption that it's better to give custody of children to the mother, as opposed to the father. That's why women end up with the kids the vast majority of the time

Or, the vast majority of the time, men use custody of the children as a bargaining chip to secure a better financial settlement, which is why they mostly don't end up with custody.

In contested divorces, there may be a presumption operating that the person who acted as the primary caregiver is most suitable custodial parent, and traditional gender roles means that that will often be the mother.

But that's not a gender-based assumption, that's a gender-neutral assumption applied to facts that happen to be influenced by traditional gender roles.

Now, if men who were the primary caregiver during marriage were generally losing custody in contested custody proceedings, that would be a different story.

[kidsthesedays]

I do wonder sometimes if men give up primary custody on purpose because they are afraid society won't think they are manly enough or something like that? I mean, pure hypothesis on my part.

[kidsthesedays]

>The contention is society's automatic assumption that it's better to give custody of children to the mother, as opposed to the father.

1) That's 100% incorrect

2) That isn't even what was said.

>women end up with the kids the vast majority of the time, and the only time they don't is when there's seriously wrong with them (e.g. abusive, mentally ill, etc.).

Once again, completely and totally incorrect. The "vast majority" of people that I personally know about don't have the woman ending up with the kids. I know of one guy whose ex-wife took off halfway across the country and left him with the kids.

I also know (and hate) someone who is male and did the same - took off halfway across the country and left his ex (girlfriend) with the kid.

I would say that women can tend to be unfair with the kids. Insisting "I'm going to get my way" and the father just giving it to her rather than fight in court over it.

My sister in law isn't abusive or mentally ill.