| The free e-meter at every desk is a valuable job perk! The Kool-Aid tasted a bit funny, though. Scrum-English Dictionary: * "sprint": artificial crisis * "end of sprint": abandonware * "Scrum master": resume credit for my planned escape to a new company * "stakeholder": someone you can't get away with externalising your costs onto * "simplified": doesn't implement any of the actual business requirements * "lightweight": doesn't implement any of the actual business requirements, but does so much more elegantly than the version that works * "easy": project was born circling the drain (and doesn't implement any of the actual business requirements) * "legacy": the version that works and implements the actual business requirements, even if no sane human wants to touch it * "velocity": a speed with a direction, so skittering about following marketing's random hairpin turns counts * "retrospective": blamestorm incoming! * "stand-up": getting the blamestorming in early * "We'll put that on the backlog": hahaha fuck you I do enjoy some of the jargon. "empowered": do your own fucking job. "Could you just copy down these log files from these fifteen servers for me and put them on the shared drive? Thanks." "I'm sorry, I'm afraid you're empowered to do that yourself." Seriously: every good idea is turned into a bad one by the relentless management quest to Taylorise clue. |