[websitescenes]

I have OCD tendencies and I have found it incredibly helpful to connect with others in similar situations. I feel almost exactly like you do on a regular basis. My automatic negative thoughts are a little different but the end result is the same.

If you are like me, you are an extremely considerate/observant person that puts the perceived needs of others consistently before your own.

I know it sounds stupid or crass but you just have to stop giving a fuck about what people think. You will absolutely never be able to control peoples thoughts, emotions or actions. You are where you are based on your own merits. No one gave you a handout. You stayed up late into nights, learning, coding and building.

Having OCD means that you are eccentric. We can't change that and we shouldn't have to. Sometimes we don't have filters and call things like we see them. That's ok. Often people react negatively and that's also ok. That doesn't mean they hate us forever. Non OCD people generally get over things relatively quickly. Don't worry about it.

This perspective in conjunction with counseling has helped me tremendously. I still get anxiety, sometimes really bad, but when I do, I usually know it's because I'm being dishonest with myself and feeding into negative automatic thoughts.

Much love to you, you're not alone.

[Suga]

I don't know what is the exact problem that I am having. What you said about being careful what others would think or do has always haunted in my head. That alienates me from other people and I know how hard it feels.when ever I have to face a new challenge I feel that I am not good enough and I even forget all the technical details of the projects I did, things I have learned. Now I am facing huge fear having to go to job interviews. I even forget words to describe what I have done in previous projects.

Once I was the brightest students in the School. But now I feel that I have no knowledge at all. I'm worried. I wish if something could rescue me.

[websitescenes]

Unfortunately, you must rescue yourself from yourself. You are not judging yourself on the same scale that you are using to judge everyone else. You are being critically harsh on yourself, holding yourself to standards that you don't expect from others. If you learned something once, you have proven something far more important than remembering the specifics of the problem. You have proven that you have the capability to think critically and solve a problem. That is far more valuable than remembering the nuances of some domain specific technologies. Stop comparing yourself to others and realize that you can be anything you want to be.