Most professionals will find a way to make this work, or have a sliding scale. If you are serious about getting help you need to try.
Life is what you make it to be, it's unique to each of us. I can tell you why I find it worth living but it probably wont mean much to you, or anyone else because its my path. It seems as if you have found a little bit of enjoyment from making others happy, Id recommend you pursue that further. Everyone needs a passion, something that they enjoy and drives them but its never easy to find it. All I can say it keep putting one foot infront of the other and put effort into finding your path. My comment is obtuse and I apologize for it, all I can say is everyone walks their own path and its not always easy.
Without knowing your locale, it's tough to give you specific direction, but it's likely the county/city/state has a way to provide these services. You know what? I live in a state that has closed most of its mental hospitals, refused the Medicaid expansion, etc., but these services are still available to anyone who requests intake. The hardest part is finding the agency to contact.
If this is keeping you from working, you're disabled at least temporarily. If you have work credits, claim SSDI.
It's important that you are not alone with these thoughts. You need someone to talk with you, the person that would understand how you feel and be willing to listen. Then they can share their views with you as well. As previously mentioned, it doesn't have to be a professional - could be a friend, a family member.
If you feel there is no-one or you need more people - I am willing to give you my contact info.
Life is what you make it to be, it's unique to each of us. I can tell you why I find it worth living but it probably wont mean much to you, or anyone else because its my path. It seems as if you have found a little bit of enjoyment from making others happy, Id recommend you pursue that further. Everyone needs a passion, something that they enjoy and drives them but its never easy to find it. All I can say it keep putting one foot infront of the other and put effort into finding your path. My comment is obtuse and I apologize for it, all I can say is everyone walks their own path and its not always easy.