[bdamm]

Well she writes like a junior because she is. But the main points she makes - subtle sexism regarding capability in the face of equivalent effort - are certainly observable and do ring true.

When I see articles like this (and the issue of sexism in computing does pop up quite often) I usually agree. It is there. But what can be done? I myself have been a disgusting example of a male engineer at times. And as much as I would love to permanently erase any male/female alteration of my behavior in a professional context, the reality is I do not become asexual when I go to work. I'm still a man. What to do?

[leif]

You've successfully completed steps 1 and 2:

1. Acknowledge there is a real problem.

2. Acknowledge you are part of the problem.

Now, on to steps 3-n!

3. Don't be discouraged, accept that there are things you can do to help! This is good, you're about to become a more valuable member of society.

4. Accept that you need to put in some effort. Not much, don't worry. Most of it is shutting up.

5. Read what women write about this problem. They're all experts because they've been studying it literally their entire lives.

6. Learn (from step 5 and some self-reflection) how to recognize in real time when you're being a jerk. Then stop.

Now it gets a little harder. But remember, not nearly as hard as being a woman in tech, so buck up, kid!

7. Learn (from step 5) how to recognize in real time when other people are being jerks, and good techniques for how to advocate on behalf of women. This takes practice and courage, keep at it.

8. You'll be tempted to brag about how helpful you are to women (hi @wadhwa). Resist this temptation. Whenever you feel yourself about to tell someone how great and helpful you are, instead, show them something an actual woman has said about their problems, and try to point them in the right direction.

Note that you can replace "woman/women" in the above with any minority/disenfranchised/disadvantaged group you want to help, and the same formula pretty much works verbatim.

[ElComradio]

Not that you can replace "Note that you can replace "woman/women" in the above with any minority/disenfranchised/disadvantaged group"" with "Note that you can replace woman/women with any person of any group who faces hurdles or has disadvantages"

When you can do that, you have successfully transcended the "gotta get mine!" and "shut up and give me your stuff!" subtext of most of today's egalitarian rhetoric.

[IsaacL]

You've successfully completed steps A and B:

A. Notice that someone could improve their behaviour.

B. Notice that you could give them useful advice to improve their behaviour.

Now, on to step C!

C. Don't be a condescending dick when dispensing said advice.

[b6]

You seem certain that that you know exactly what the problem is, and exactly how to solve it, down to a list of steps. You even seem certain that a stranger on the Internet is part of the problem. Well, give me a break -- that's really presumptuous and condescending. Listening to the aggrieved seems like a good idea, but there's no guarantee that they have the answers.

[leif]

>You even seem certain that a stranger on the Internet is part of the problem

The stranger on the internet said they felt like part of the problem, so I don't really know what to tell you.

If you read between the lines a bit, I never said I had any of the answers. All I said was listen to the people that are affected, try to learn about their problems, and be empathetic, and maybe you'll find the answers.

I'm not trying to be revolutionary here, I just think one of the nice features of these types of issues is that the people being affected are actual people that you can listen to and have conversations with, and I think that's a good place to start.

[pen2l]

> All I said was listen to the people that are affected, try to learn about their problems, and be empathetic, and maybe you'll find the answers.

Are you aware that one female will have entirely different experiences and suggestions on how to solve tech's sexism problem than the next? E.g., you implicate Vivek Wadwa as being a problem (probably due to Amelia Greenhall's accusations), and yet there are an overwhelming amount of women who take Vivek's side, not Amelia's. Amelia Greenhall herself, for example, is highly critical of Sheryl Sandberg. But is highly supportive of females whose blogs are banned by hacker news (Nitasha Tiku, for example). So, with all due respect, your suggestions are pretty impractical and will result in a lot of confusion for the person following the advice, not much good results.

[cmsj]

More people accepting the problem, reading up on the experiences of those facing discrimination, and thinking about what they can do to change themselves and those around them.

That seems like a pretty good starting point, no?

Whatever you read about, you're going to come up with conflicting opinions and suggestions, so that is hardly new, and is certainly not an excuse for doing nothing.

[pen2l]

> That seems like a pretty good starting point, no?

Honestly, not at all. I really think the exact opposite is true. The debate in this arena is hellishly toxic. You read into it a little and you quickly find out how disturbing ideas flying around really are -- especially from the prominent voices. Staying away from these debates is probably the best option for now. I really hope in time something happens and the toxicity goes away.

[lotso]

>You even seem certain that a stranger on the Internet is part of the problem.

> I myself have been a disgusting example of a male engineer at times.

[jchung]

Some things I do*

I try to be aware of my own biases when I'm in the office. Sometimes I schedule a little time to think specifically about them and try to identify potential moments I made assumptions I shouldn't have. When I feel that a male colleague is exhibiting concerning behavior I discuss it with them. I ask my female colleagues what we need to do to support their success and I listen to what they have to say. I do 1-on-1s with all of my colleagues to ask them whether they feel their perspectives are adequately heard and acted upon. When I see something that isn't right, I say "that's not right." When I hear a joke or comment that sounds "off", I say "hey man, that's off key -- keep it professional". I discuss equality with my wife and I listen to her perspective. I encourage and support her career ambitions even when they force me to make trade offs against my own.

Now that I think about it, I ascribe many of these behaviors (perhaps not all) to my ideals of professionalism and effective management practices.

* n of one. I'm not an expert. I'm male.

[nijiko]

Be the change you want.

[emmab]

Well, you could try anti-androgens like finasteride or spironolactone. They would lower your libido.

[Jimmy]

Stop feeling ashamed of yourself, for one. It's almost certainly because you're paying too much attention to external standards of behavior that have been imposed upon you.

[johnny22]

i'm just having a hard time you're actually being serious.

[Jimmy]

What makes you say that?