[cj]

Congrats on the new job!

> I suffer from crippling anxiety [...] foggy Xanax brain.

Consider asking your doctor about propranolol.

It's a safe, non-addictive beta-blocker often used to treat high blood pressure, but it also eliminates the peripheral nervous system response to anxiety, the "fight-or-flight" adrenaline rush feeling: racing heart, shortness of breath, inability to concentrate, shaking, sweaty hands, blushing, etc.

It doesn't effect your mental anxiety, but it'll cut out all of the physical symptoms, which makes the mental anxiety much easier to control, without creating any sort of brain fog.

[solipsism]

+1 for Propranolol. As parent says, it does not affect your cognition! It doesn't make you sleepy or slow or happy or numb or relaxed or lightheaded or anything like that. It affects only your autonomic systems, eliminating the high heart rate and blood pressure, shaky hands, dry mouth, etc. These physical effects often push your normal performance anxiety over the edge, creating a cascading effect. Talk to your doctor if you think it could help, it might change your life -- it did mine, allowing me to become an influential voice at my company with an influential position to match. There's no reason you should allow a biological particularity put you at a career disadvantage compared to others. And it's important to realize anxiety is very often biological in origin, and non-pharmaceutical methods are often not enough.

While many people feel that other type of drugs, like benzodiazepines (e.g. Valium, Xanax) cause them to become somewhat of a different person, beta blockers like propranolol can better be described as making you a rock-solid version of yourself.

[throwawaybcporn]

See my comment above. I don't really get nervous at the interviews... I'm actually fairly collected and confident in person. It's just that lonely, panicky night beforehand that gets me.

It's so torturous, I actually considered having a friend use my email to schedule the interview (or GMAT) for me, then only tell me I have an interview (or GMAT) the day I have the interview (or GMAT). If this situation had gone on much longer, I would have done this.

[sjg007]

You might try meditation or imagining a positive outcome. The worst that can happen is they reject you. Apply at smaller places to practice. Places where even if you get the job you wouldn't take it. The best times to look for a new job is when you have one.

[throwawaybcporn]

I tried propanolol. I also tried alcohol, Klonipin, Zoloft, Lexapro, marijuana, meditation, Ambien, Benadryl (by the boatfull), Nyquil... it's been a real struggle.

So far the only thing that has helped (besides the Benadryl for getting me to sleep but not keeping me asleep or making the sleep worthwhile) was Lexapro for one glorious month. Seriously. It was a religious experience. I felt like normal people for a few weeks. Then relapsed.

Hopefully I can get it working again at some point.

Also, I don't really get nervous at the interviews. Actually, I'm as cool as a cucumber. It's just the night before that puts me through the ringer. It borders on panic. Part of my decision to accept the current offer is based on the "Dear God don't make me sweat out the night before interviews" aspect of things.

[read]

But why? Why do you panic?

Why are your body or subconscious convinced you are about to enter a stressful, risky situation and start to react this way? What conditioned them to believe this?

It happened to me too by the way, both the night before and during the interviews, and what I walked away with was the realization: I disliked expectations.

I didn't want to be interviewing, or working for someone else, or generally doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing. I needed time to get on a path where I would be doing what was right for me.

If nothing was expected of you, and there were no restrictions (financial, societal, etc.) on what you could do, what would you rather be doing? You said in another comment you are pretty good at what you do, so could it be that the problem isn't you but the general idea of expectations?

How would you fight this without drugs?

[kbody]

I'm not doctor and don't do a good job on my self but theoretically I would try to do some meditation before trying more drugs.

The easiest way I found was the headspace app, although I didn't keep up with it in the long-run, but at the time I felt that I was feeling calmer, although it could very well be the ignition placebo.