[throwawaybcporn]

I tried propanolol. I also tried alcohol, Klonipin, Zoloft, Lexapro, marijuana, meditation, Ambien, Benadryl (by the boatfull), Nyquil... it's been a real struggle.

So far the only thing that has helped (besides the Benadryl for getting me to sleep but not keeping me asleep or making the sleep worthwhile) was Lexapro for one glorious month. Seriously. It was a religious experience. I felt like normal people for a few weeks. Then relapsed.

Hopefully I can get it working again at some point.

Also, I don't really get nervous at the interviews. Actually, I'm as cool as a cucumber. It's just the night before that puts me through the ringer. It borders on panic. Part of my decision to accept the current offer is based on the "Dear God don't make me sweat out the night before interviews" aspect of things.

[read]

But why? Why do you panic?

Why are your body or subconscious convinced you are about to enter a stressful, risky situation and start to react this way? What conditioned them to believe this?

It happened to me too by the way, both the night before and during the interviews, and what I walked away with was the realization: I disliked expectations.

I didn't want to be interviewing, or working for someone else, or generally doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing. I needed time to get on a path where I would be doing what was right for me.

If nothing was expected of you, and there were no restrictions (financial, societal, etc.) on what you could do, what would you rather be doing? You said in another comment you are pretty good at what you do, so could it be that the problem isn't you but the general idea of expectations?

How would you fight this without drugs?