[Dewie]

So you would, for example, go up to someone that you see regularly but who you don't know and try to get to know them, either through some generic opener/remark/question or more bluntly ('Hi! I've seen you around here a lot lately and...). That doesn't really happen in my culture. People need an actual "excuse" to engage someone, like being at the same event or working together or practising the same sport. You can't just, you know, talk to someone because you want to be social for the hell of it - there needs to be some context. And happening to be in transit at about the same hours of the day doesn't qualify. This is how people in general are (here); both men and women.

I guess you wouldn't like it here.

[greglindahl]

Half the people in this sub-thread think it's about public transit, and the other half are talking about the company bus systems that take tech workers from homes in San Francisco to jobs in the Silicon Valley. These company buses generally have a single drop-off point, and if you look at the top of the sub-thread, the bus is dropping "all its people". This is a long-winded way of saying that the excuse is that you work at the same company as the people you frequently see on the particular bus you ride most days.

[couchand]

People are very friendly if you're friendly to them. That's at least been my experience everywhere I go.

Break down those barriers! Just walk up to random people and try to find out what makes them tick. It will expand your horizons and make your life more interesting.

Stop making excuses about some perceived need to have an "excuse" and just be friendly to your neighbors. We'll all benefit.

[UrMomReadsHN]

Just...wow...This is an extremely culture specific suggestion.

Sure maybe in YOUR culture and place of residence that could be good advice but it could be horrible advice for other cultures/places.

People are also different. Situations are different. In some situations being approached by a stranger can be friendly and some situations it can be very very hostile. Depending on a lot of factors. There is a very serious need to understand when your approach might be hostile to the other party.

I find it interesting that I've been reading a lot of "in my culture/city/experience X therefore X is a universal truth" comments lately.

[couchand]

I'm basing this on my own personal experiences traveling on four continents. I just try to be consistently nice to people and not too forward, particularly if they seem uncomfortable. I don't think I said anything about a universal truth, but I do think people tend to be just as friendly to you as you are to them. YMMV.

[UrMomReadsHN]

You said some very universal statements like "Just walk up to random people and try to find out what makes them tick." This advice can be very detrimental in some cultures.

I am talking about things like this- Friendliness does not make friends in Japan - http://www.uri.edu/iaics/content/2000v10n1/06%20Blaine%20Gos...

The other implication was friendliness is a Good Thing and more friendliness is Better.

The idea that friendliness is even desired with [varying levels of] strangers is cultural specific. Or how much friendliness is acceptable or too much.

I am an oddity in my culture because i wish for much much less friendliness with strangers than my culture dictates is appropriate. I could go for far less stranger friendliness in my life. [Depending on the degree of stranger].

[couchand]

The statement you quoted is a suggestion, not an attempt at a universal truth. I do believe that connecting with other humans is a Good Thing. That's why we're here.

The most important feature of Bell Labs was the long hallway that forced all these very smart people to interact with each other on a regular basis. The reason "everyone" looks back on their college days with nostalgia is the connections they made so readily with others.

The article you linked to states: In all actions, Japanese prefer kindness over friendliness. Friendships form through kindness... I'm honestly not sure what the difference between the two is. The article seems to indicate it's mostly about smiling and over-sharing. Ok, so don't smile too much, remain courteous and kind. I don't see that being too far off, and the article also mentions there are more commonalities in the dynamics of friendships across cultures than there are differences.

Feel free to continue to live your life the way you see fit, the way that makes you the most comfortable and doesn't challenge you. I don't mean for this to sound judgmental; I really do believe you'll be missing out, but it's your choice to make and I don't at all fault you for making it.

The original comment I was replying to was this: People need an actual "excuse" to engage someone, like being at the same event or working together or practising the same sport. That's simply not true, but it is a quite common misconception. I thought I would disabuse the poster of that notion, but I didn't mean to imply that my own way of living life is the only one.

[UrMomReadsHN]

The over the top friendliness that is desired, in my culture is off putting to me. It comes across as extremely disingenuous to me. I don't mind (I even like) "casual friendliness" but in a different, more muted, way that is socially considered good manners in my culture. I lived overseas and i was much more comfortable there because the interactions among strangers were much more comfortable for me and didn't seem forced, fake, or over the top. And i did make a lot of friends out of strangers there.

And i am CERTAINLY not opposed to engaging with strangers or challenging myself, in fact that is how i meet my partner, i approached a random stranger.

Connecting with other humans IS a good thing, but asking random strangers "what makes them tick" isn't culturally appropriate in some places and may lead to ostracism and embarrassment, not connection. Depending on your culture.

[Dewie]

There are so many assumptions in this response, and so much projection. I think you are mistaking me describing a culture for tacit approval of that culture and/or feeling under its boot. I was describing how we as a culture live, not necessarily how I live. And this is not to imply that I think that this particular culture is bad (or good): there are downsides and upsides. I am undecided as to whether it is overall healthy/freeing/oppressive, etc.

In any case, I'll make sure to inform others of what they're doing wrong, and that they don't need to be be "oppressed" by these "barriers". And to think, what we all wanted the same thing all along; we just needed you to remind us.

[couchand]

I was describing how we as a culture live, not necessarily how I live.

Nor how I live, so where is this mythical "culture" we're all so beholden to? Culture is just the actions and beliefs of a group of people. Historically humans have tended to be pleasant with people in their own group and remarkably unpleasant to "others". Usually this is because they don't understand anyone outside their own group, because they've never explicitly tried to understand them.

So yes, reaching out to others, learning from them, preventing the next world war, preventing the next oppression of a group because they are seen as somehow different from those in power, yes, that is a Good Thing.

[yarou]

So you've never made small talk with a co-worker that you didn't know yet but see on a daily basis?

[selimthegrim]

Where is "here"?

[Dewie]

The land of non-America (Norway to be more specific).