[BSousa]

That is an interesting point, though not really applicable to my family as far as I know (yes, my father had it harder then my cousin or myself, as I think most parents do, but as for siblings, not really) My close and extended family were always middle class. We all went to public school/college (namely since around here it is usually better than private ones). Yes, we had a lot of advantages over other folks, but not really over other people in the family. We were also very close before the 'money starter to pour'. Christmas, new years, any family member birthday, we all gathered, we celebrated, etc. When the money difference became apparent, most of that stopped. The joyful times were pretty much replaced with small talk on the times we get together.

And I agree with most of your ideas, and while I don't know the lives of Gates, Page, etc, and I have no idea how they treated their family/friends, it seems you have an idea (maybe true, I don't know, but it isn't my experience) that as people go up the ladder, they change their attitudes ('develop a conceited attitude' and 'will often have a wife and kids with a vain attitude' or 'now better than the sacrificer'). Again, I'm talking about what I saw here, but it is usually the opposite (maybe cultural differences make it so), but you see a much more humble and giving attitude with people that have reached a good level of success than the ones that haven't. The ones that do reach, usually appreciate all the hard work their parents did to give them the opportunities they have (I do every day), but the ones that didn't usually blame everyone about their problems, but give no thanks/props to the ones that have helped them. Quick example, I've worked for a startup a while ago with one main investor (basically, he was footing the bill for everything until there were revenues). He is one of the richest guys in Portugal, and when I had some personal problems and I mentioned I needed 3-4 months unpaid leave due to that, the only thing he told me: "Go, go take care of things, don't worry about coming until things are good with you", and kept paying me the salary for those 4 months. Didn't ask for a single thing, nothing.

What I'm trying to say is that maybe I have had a different experience with successful people than you, but in this corner of the world, humbleness and a giving attitude are much more prevalent when you go up the ladder than when you don't, and it is hard to find people at the bottom (Even close friends) that don't resent you for that.

[luxpir]

Same disclaimer as firstOrder. Throwing another opinion into the ring:

My immediate thoughts revolved around:

> 5k rolex

> 250k euro car

> tries to help people

> throws parties for them

> lets them use his pool

This could be seen as someone in a position of power, and someone happy to let other people know that. No judgement on anyone for rewarding themselves materially for their success. It's just not the same as sharing a box of doughnuts with your family and them then being ungrateful behind your back. It's more akin to showing people how many doughnuts you have, letting them touch them, compliment you on your good taste, but not letting anyone eat them. Just because you don't eat them in front of them doesn't mean it's not antagonising. Aware of how weak that analogy just got.

It would take an absolute buddhist monk of a person to not indulge in toy-buying, I can't imagine the self-control it would take, but I think that's the only solution to not end up with the comments. Can you imagine people making negative comments if the FU-money-guy gave 90% of his cash to charitable causes? No reason why he should, but it puts his current situation in contrast.

> We also live a decent life (near the beach, pool, etc)

> we invite everyone to spend some time with us for free in the summer (saving them 1000's in holiday rentals and food)

> We never show off

You're definitely not showing off directly, I'm sure you would never mean to, but I do think by virtue of you raising your living conditions up (way) above those of your peers (I'm assuming) and then thinking you're doing them a favour by sharing it with them, the net effect is the same.

As an alternative idea to saving them 1000s in rentals and food, you could just rent a modestly-priced house together on neutral territory. Especially if you're starting to think people are taking your generosity for granted.

[BSousa]

Maybe that is the difference... I don't see as doing them a favour, I see it as sharing it with them...

If you have a 250k car, you aren't going to buy one for each of your friends, sure, but if any of them calls you asking to take it for a ride or a couple days, he has no problems giving them the keys, I honestly don't know what else you can do to not make them resent you. He lets his friends have parties in his house (gives them the keys) when he is out on business so they have a nice place to party.

As for us, we open the doors of our house to anyone (Family and friends). We live in a very desirable place, where most people pay in the 1000's to vacation there for a week or two, we open our house for them to stay there if they want (they do). This is while I'm working, so we aren't really talking about doing a vacation together. It's AirBnB for free if you want to call it that. We give them keys, they are free to do whatever they want. Eat our food. Basically as if it was their own holiday home. Again, not exactly sure what can be done to not be resented for it. I guess don't invite anyone there, don't talk about the house, don't say nothing so people think we live in the projects?

As for giving money, I know for sure, even as a percentage, both me and my cousin give much more than at least all of our family members (not sure about friends as it is something I don't talk with them about). He financially supports an orphanage (20+ kids) by himself along with other charitable works he has over there. As for us, we give to Watsi, support various children as well, among other things (UNICEF, local charitable organisation that work with poor families with newborns), and one of the reasons we are trying to save up money is to be able to create and support an halfway house in our future. The amazing thing is, I wrote about the charitable aspects on my previous post, and I deleted it since it seemed like bragging. I had no problem with the rest, since that to me, specially when we really do try to share with our close family and friends our successes, it is a matter of joy.

This is what I mean though. I think people with a bit more success don't mind sharing their stuff (in Portugal), but even so, it seems people take it the wrong way, and resent them for it. Do we resent pg and others that share their resources/time/money with ycombinator startups? No! We admire and are happy they do, but it seems as soon as it is closer to home, the resentment does come up.

[beachstartup]

your viewpoint is the correct one. wealthy people who share their material things are not showing off, they're being generous. it's a liability to share your real estate and vehicles.

it takes a real bitter person to resent someone for sharing. yeah sure i can theoretically empathize with that viewpoint but it just feels wrong. it's just pedestrian, petty human hatred.