[hangonhn]

Maybe? But the neat thing about romance is that you just need one to work.

I once complained to a friend that my failure rate is going to be 95% if the normal failure rate is 80%. She replied, "Good then you'll succeed." because a 95% failure rate means there will still be 5 women out of 100 who won't reject me and that number increases the more women I meet.

Another good friend of mine who can be best described as a womanizer told me that it's a huge numbers game. He confided to me that he gets rejected all the time and for all sorts of reasons, most of it has nothing to do with him. His word of advice to me was "You got ten fingers, ten toes. There is nothing wrong with you."

Sure, some women prefer one thing over another but you don't need all the women to like you. You just need one. I am sure in the universe of women there is at least one who likes Asian men who read Hacker News and you have a better chance of finding her(or them) with online dating.

[beachstartup]

> Sure, some women prefer one thing over another but you don't need all the women to like you. You just need one

i understand where you're coming from but let's be real. in order to retain the relationship(s) you are in, you need to understand what makes a man attractive to a woman. it has nothing to do with race but more to do with assertiveness, boundaries, ability to plan, get shit done, etc.

and if you have none of that, you better start working on it. "be yourself" is the worst dating advice ever. and "one out of a million will end up maybe liking you" is even worse.

[hangonhn]

I don't think we disagree on this. You should always work to improve yourself and love is a great motivator for doing that.

My point with the number is that to go on a date, to be given that chance to know someone better, isn't that hard even if the probabilities are low.

My 95% is actually crazy pessimistic. It actually ended up being closer to 50% success rate for first date. I am short, Asian, and introverted so I think most other men aren't going to do worse based on those attributes alone. Or maybe like you said, race doesn't matter as much.

That said, I don't really agree with that list of attributes you posted. Maybe on some level, yes those attributes matter but personal chemistry between two people matters much more, at least from my own limited experience.

[beachstartup]

> Maybe on some level, yes those attributes matter but personal chemistry between two people matters much more

personal chemistry is required, but not sufficient.

these are things you learn the hard way.

[roguecoder]

The best dating advice I've heard is "become the person you want to marry." It's a way of thinking about what makes someone a good partner and addressing personal weaknesses at the same time.

[bambax]

Interesting way to look at things; but you need to like those 5% who may like you. If for some reason you're less desireable than average then you also need to be less picky, and that may be hard.

[31reasons]

If he only like 5% of the women he meets and 5% women like him in general than actual number of women he needs to meet could be 400 before both like each other. If he goes on a one date per week (the best case scenario, at least in my case) it would take 7.2 years of non stop dating.

[bambax]

And that's assuming those numbers are independent, which they may not be.

Groucho Marx said "I wouldn't join a club who would accept me as a member". You may be less attracted to people who are attracted to you.

[hangonhn]

One date a week isn't that bad. In fact, that would be great. 7.2 years to find that person isn't that long either. I mean that's 7.2 years of doing something I enjoy.

Hang on, we all enjoy the process of dating, right?

[Padding]

> Hang on, we all enjoy the process of dating, right?

Well, I don't know. Is there really nothing you'd rather do with that much time and money?

And if the relationship only lasts some 5 years... :x

[hnriot]

that would be exhausting, just get a cat.

[nether]

It's not just finding women who are into you; it's finding the ones who are single that matters. In the case of techie introverted people, there's usually a huge surplus of available men versus women.

[morenoh149]

BTW if any women are reading Hacker news right now and likes latin men send me a message ;)