Hacker News new | ask | show | jobs
by themoonbus 4614 days ago
This reads like a talk that someone would give at orientation in college... does the tech community in SF really need this much help socializing?
1 comments

I am thinking the same things. At some point you have to make friends from scratch. They aren't just given to you.

As for the "doing things alone" I've noticed that people don't like doing that. Traveling, going to see a movie, or attending an event all seem to be things that have a stigma attached to doing them solo.

Example #4 Going to a restaurant

Example #5 Going to a park, especially an "improved" park with kids playground and you're a dude.

Example #6 Wilderness hiking (although this is really a safety issue, and as a lifelong hiker I assure you your local hiking club is a fantastic way to meet people)

People (in general) don't like OTHER people doing that. They assume that the person going solo is lonely, sad, and is generally someone to be pitied, mocked, or both. The stigma is not attached by the people going solo, it's attached by everyone else.
Assuming that's true -- so what? Who cares what a bunch of people you'll never see or talk to again in your life think about you?

It's like Eleanor Roosevelt said (more or less: http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/03/30/not-inferior/): "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Not doing something you want to do because "they'll all laugh at me" is you giving your consent to being made to feel inferior. Their opinion only matters because you make it matter, by caring about it enough to let it stop you from doing something you want to do.

You may feel like their opinion puts shackles around your ankles, but really the shackles only exist in your mind. Stop believing in them and they disappear.

> Their opinion only matters because you make it matter, by caring about it enough to let it stop you from doing something you want to do.

I disagree. If enough people in your community say that you are unwanted, you will become unwanted.

Really? I'd say eating at a restaurant alone is unusual (carry a notepad and pretend you're a critic), but going to a rock concert or traveling alone is very normal. You meet tons of solo travelers in their 20s or 30s at hostels across Europe.
I went to a restaurant alone once. I was a teenager; this was almost 10 years ago.

I remember my conversation with the hostess going something like this:

Hostess: "So...just one today?"

Me: "Yep."

Hostess: "Oh.. Do you want me to bring you a magazine or something?"

Reminds me of this scene from Steve Martin's The Lonely Guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ7CNUuoe3E