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"Depression, at least as I’m experiencing it, is the absence of emotion, rather than negative emotion. I don’t mind it, not yet, but maybe depression is what keeps me from minding depression." More likely, what you experienced was anhedonia, a symptom of certain types of depression. Anhedonia is technically defined as the inability to experience pleasure from once-enjoyable activities, but those I know who've suffered from it have often described it in terms very similar to yours. They say things like "I just didn't care about anything," or "it was like I was bored of being bored, but too bored to do anything about it." To simplify depression -- a neurologically and idiosyncratically complex phenomenon -- as the "absence of emotion" is to mischaracterize the affliction. There are other shades of depression in which emotion is, if anything, severely heightened and labile. Pure, raw, unfiltered anguish. The absolute lack of hope. Like the shit they talk about in the Harry Potter books, when the dementors suck out your soul (incidentally, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling battled with severe depression, and she modeled said dementors off of the suffering she went through). |