[jscheel]

After a blow-up in my town a few months ago, I tried to encourage a few notable female tech proponents that negativity was not the way to win the fight. I was publicly lambasted, called denigrating names, had false information spread as far as cities 3000 miles away, and even had a meme made about me (containing incorrect info, imagine that). Negativity breeds nothing but negativity. I often fall into the trap myself, so it was pretty disheartening to see others fall into it so hard when I tried to warn them away. To be fair, I didn't handle the situation perfectly, but at least I know that and am willing to change. Effective communication starts with introspection. Tolstoy said it this way, "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."

[christiansmith]

Sadly, appeals to reason are not usually well received by an angry mob. Every time this subject comes up I remind myself of pg's "What You Can't Say" essay and then I keep my mouth shut.

http://paulgraham.com/say.html

[Kudzu_Bob]

Increasingly, even silence is no protection.

[shardling]

Sorry, but I can't help but remember encountering people who told stories much like yours, only to find on closer examination that they were incredibly, deeply in the wrong.

Since you don't go into any actual details about what set the situation off, it makes it really hard for me to take your anecdote too seriously.

[toasterlovin]

If you're lacking details, why not ask questions?

[shardling]

I'd like to think my comment was an invitation to provide details if possible. Asking specific questions is hard when the situation described is so vague. :)

[jscheel]

Honestly, I'm not interested in providing details. The parties involved have already kissed and made up (for the most part), and it serves nothing for me to prove myself on HN. Suffice to say, I took, and still take, the position that we each have a finite amount of political capital and goodwill that we can spend, and that it is more advantageous for everyone to spend it on building instead of destroying. There will always be differences of opinion on what is building vs. destroying, though, and there will always be room for poor communication to confuse the matter for all parties involved. Especially in the tech community, as I'm sure you can imagine :)

[toasterlovin]

> I'd like to think my comment was an invitation to provide details if possible.

Hmmmm, it seems to me that asking a question would be an invitation to provide details. Making a statement about how other individuals in similar situations have been deeply wrong comes across, to me, as an invitation to defensiveness and conflict.

Why not ask simply, "Can you provide more details?"

[jscheel]

Likewise.

[Kudzu_Bob]

Sorry, but I can't help but remember encountering people who made comments much like yours, only to find on closer examination that they were incredibly, deeply in the wrong.

Since you don't go into any actual details about the basis of your comment, it makes it really hard for me to take your remembrances too seriously.

[shardling]

What a boring, round about way to say something.

[Kudzu_Bob]

Whoa! Déjà vu!

[joshguthrie]

> negativity was not the way to win the fight

Negativity is never the way to win [anything]. We didn't go to the moon with negativity and as people, we can't get over things with negativity. I recently got in a position similar to yours (oh well, no meme though) and I heartily agree: Negativity only begets more negativity.

I would love to write paragraph upon paragraph about how negativity can change you and how "doers do" and other pretty zen philosophical quotes, but I have none under the hand and that would just be repeating myself. So I'll just say it straight: Be positive :)

[toasterlovin]

We can build or we can destroy.

I believe in building, because, despite all those who would destroy and tear things asunder, we builders continue to make progress. Bit by it, piece by piece, the world is becoming a better place.

[calibraxis]

Women: stop complaining. Leave that to us.

Read the article. (Or better yet, just its headline.) It doesn't focus on men. It focusses on how bitter angry women are holding females back. An article men can upvote!

We know the power of the Dark Side, and warn you from it. For your own good, naturally. The best advice comes from people who don't take it themselves.

Be a team player. We men never complain. (Except for this one subject.) Can you imagine Larry Ellison complaining? Steve Jobs? Bill Gates? No, of course not. This trait they shared with Jesus, who famously also never complained.

(Now, you may google that and ask, "What about the Pharisees? And a fig tree he cursed to wither and die, because for some reason it didn't give him fruit out of season? Plus, wasn't he always complaining about his Apostles?" The answer is that was the historical brown Jesus, and you know how uppity Middle Easterners are. I'm talking about White Jesus with the soft eyes. Who's all about turning the other cheek and taking it.)