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by Anechoic 4818 days ago
My common courtesy wake-up call: MIT mechanical engineering students often had to go through the course "secretary" to see their faculty advisers of high-level MechE professors. At the time, the course secretary was a middle-aged women with a desk outside of the MechE administrative offices. When you walked into the office, you spoke with her and she would send you to the appropriate faculty office.

Whenever any of my (mostly male) coursemates talked about visiting the office, they always referred to her as "bitch," "cunt," "hag" etc. I never understood this - she had never been anything but nice and respectful to me. After one interaction I witnessed between the secretary and another student, I finally began to understand. Those other students really saw her as just a "secretary" who had no business running interference between students that were clearly her betters. I on the otherhand never went out of my way to ingratiate myself to her, but I did treat her as a human worthy of the same respect as any other faculty member, and I guess she noticed.

One year, I signed up for more classes than I intended to take with the intention of auditing the classes, deciding what I wanted to take and then dropping the excess classes before the drop date. I decided pretty quickly to drop one of the classes, and therefore didn't attend any of the lectures or do any of the coursework, but I procrastinated in getting the signature of my adviser to drop the class.

Eventually the drop date loomed, and I realized I had only a couple of days to get that signature. I walked into the MechE office, exchanged pleasantries with the secretary and asked to see my adviser. "Oh I'm sorry," she replied "he's out of the country for the next two weeks." She saw from my reaction that something was wrong, and I explained that if I didn't get my adviser's signature on the drop form ASAP, I'd fail the class. She smiled and told me that in situations like that she actually had discretionary power to sign forms on behalf of absent professors. She asked for the form, signed it (in her name) and gave it back to me. I was all set. A year after that, I handed in my thesis and forgot to sign a form. She called me and waited after hours for me to run down to the office to sign the form so I could graduate on time. All because I treated her like a human being.

I later told some of my coursemates about that, and they had absolutely no idea she had that kind of power. I like to think that maybe they started treating her a little better after learning what a little courtesy can accomplish. But I certainly learned that "little people" can hold great power that can be wielded in your favor if you just treat them like you want to be treated.

5 comments

It sort of sucks that your TL;DR is "you never know what people might be able to do for you, so be nice".

Just fucking be nice to people. It's not always about what they can do for you.

It's not always about what they can do for you.

I get what you're saying, but I will admit that I am respectful (not necessarily nice, but generally respectful) to people exactly because of what they can do for me - in my case, I want them be be respectful back to me. In the example I wrote about, I was pleasantly surprised there was a bonus to being nice/respectful and that experience has stuck with me, but that wasn't what I was looking for.

I treat people they way I would like them to treat me, so yes, I am looking for them to do something for me. Selfish? Perhaps, but it makes for pleasant interactions and I see that as a win.

I agree - I liked the parent post up until the last paragraph. If one were to ignore the last paragraph and form their own conclusion, I think they would walk away with a nicer message.

(Though "nicer message" is subjective)

I confess, I have had the same feeling after having read the parent.
I had a very similar experience with my Electrical Engineering school secretary - never, ever underestimate the power these people can have, especially if they have been in the role for a long time
My dad taught me this lesson very early in life. Where he worked, he was always very kind to the secretaries, remembering to buy them gifts when he went on business trips, etc.

My dad was doing his PhD in the early 80s when things like word processors and PCs were not common. When you needed to type things up, you literally needed a typewriter and type it by hand. When it came time to typing up his thesis, the secretaries all volunteered to help him type up his thesis, so he ended up getting it done much, much quicker and with better accuracy than if he had to do it himself.

In general secretaries have way more power than one would normally think.
I wanted to joke about Secretaries General but then thought it below the HN level.
The "I was going to say X but I didn't" joke seems common in the CS/computer community. I find it vaguely irritating, because you're saying something you know you shouldn't be saying, as evidenced by distancing yourself from the statement. I was going to downvote, but maybe I can add to the discussion instead.

This technique has a name, either paralepsis (http://grammar.about.com/od/pq/g/paralepsisterm.htm) or preterition (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/preterition). I mention this, because I feel like having a name for it helps point it out, and perhaps can convince people that they aren't as clever as they think they are when they employ it.

Please don't bring down the level of discussion here by making the joke you are pretending not to make. Thanks.

I have noticed that many people here think that jokes do not add to the quality of discussions. A joke is just one of several ways of introducing non-direct references to arguments (I think I can call them "hints"). I had a hypothesis that people may not like such hints which, after all, may be culture-dependent. So I tried other ways of hinting and found out that they do not seem to evoke such a hostile response. So it must be something else, but I am not sure what exactly. Another possibility is that people may be offended at jokes, even inoffensive ones, but this is not something I would like to test.

As far as rhetorical devices are concerned, there are many of them that may be used in a discussion without detracting from it. HN does not need to be dry and often is not.

There's also Anne Hunter in Course 6, who I think started out as some kind of secretary and has essentially been the most important, helpful, and generally nice person in the EECS department at MIT for the past 20 (?) years.