[brianwillis]

This is pretty personal stuff to say using an account that's tied to my real name, but hey, we're all friends here now, so why not.

I'm in the target demographic for this post (I turn 29 on Tuesday), and I'm seriously considering making a conscious decision to be permanently single.

I understand that people find a lot of happiness in relationships, but I just don't think I'm capable of making room in my life for another person, and I don't think I'd make a particularly good boyfriend. I'd have to become a dramatically better person - something I don't know if I have it in me to do.

Does this make me somehow broken? Are there others who feel this way too?

[Crake]

I actually relate rather strongly to your post...I've eventually come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stay single. I feel that sometimes people put too much emphasis on sex and relationships as a mandatory part of a successful life.

Girlfriends take up a LOT of time. If you find someone who's a perfect match, then go for it. But scooping out valuable time in your life for a relationship that's merely ho-hum probably isn't worth it. For people who are very smart, like a good portion of the tech crowd, the relative stupidity of the general population eliminates a good portion of women, too, which certainly exacerbates the situation.

Mathematically speaking, I know the chances of me finding a long term significant other are very small. My last girlfriend was an electrical engineer, and she moved to the midwest from the east coast. It was great while it lasted, but she was literally the only attractive smart and technical person I've ever met in this area who was interested in people like me. Whenever I see my friends with their girlfriends, it always makes me feel a bit lonely. I know that logically speaking, it's not something I can or should have, since I don't think I'd make a very good significant other (for some difficult personal reasons). But it's still something that bothers me at night.

[itistoday2]

(disclaimer: not a shill) go on okc, i didz have success! (took a few months... be patient). also, if you really want it, be willing to look outside your area. mine was several states away but totally worth it!

[Crake]

Ah, that's where I found my EE girlfriend, actually. I don't think I'd have had even that without OKC.

[mustardhamsters]

I don't think wanting to stay permanently single makes you broken. I also don't think that you are the sole decider of what makes you a "good" boyfriend or if you need to be a "dramatically better person" to get there.

Do what makes you comfortable and what you think will make you happy and fulfilled in ten, twenty or thirty years. I felt this post made a strong case for thinking of relationships as long-term investments and although it's hard to think on that scale, that may help you with your decision of how to live your life.

[Tichy]

In what way do you think you are a bad person? It sounds a bit as if you are carrying a baggage of possibly irrelevant morals with you (as in you don't really subscribe to those morals, but somehow feel bad for that). Perhaps you could simply find someone with compatible values?

Edit: I know several people living open relationships, polyarmory... Still not sure it can really work in the long run, but might be worth a try (both monogamy and polyarmory probably have their own problems, anyway).

[csomar]

I have been thinking about this too. I'm not quite social, but that's not the point. The thing is, I'm afraid I can't bear another person in my life (living in the same house/room and sharing the same moments).

Well, I have been living alone now for 1.5 years; and let me tell you: It's really great. What you need is to get over the "You need to socialize" thing. That socializing will prevent from getting you depressed, and all that crap.

What you need to do is to figure out alternative channels. I use forums, news sites, and I still have 3 friends that I meet a few times per month.