[Claudus]

I've pursued many women in my life, and failed. I'm not especially tall, good looking, or rich, but I am smart, somewhat charismatic, and have a solid character.

Everything I've done in my adult life has been motivated by my desire to be attractive to women that I'm interested in; studying hard to get good grades, going to grad school, pursuing good employment, developing my personal and social skills, working out, everything. I'm getting better all the time, and I see my successes, but now in my 30s I'm not sure what the message is here.

Should I have just grabbed any woman that would have me, even if I'm not interested in them for the sole purpose of "developing a serious relationship"?

[tomp]

Contrary to popular belief, looks don't matter to everybody. Some women go for tall, muscular men, some go for rich guys, but I don't want either of those; I like people if they can hold an interesting conversation and not get annoyed or upset with things that don't really matter in life, and I want a woman that likes me because of those same reasons.

But it took me a long time to reach this conclusion. I used to work out in order to be more attractive, but stopped, because I didn't like it and it seemed like a chore without proper motivation (plus, having some extra fat is good health-wise and for enjoying water sports); now I sometimes work out because I want to get better in sports. I studied pick-up and seduction, but realized that most of it is just games and lies, and that I don't have in me whatever is necessary to use those to attract people. Also, whatever success I've achieved, I tried to keep it secret for as long as possible, because I didn't want people, girls especially, to like me because of the fortunate life circumstances I had encountered.

For the past two years, I've been single. And picky; I've only pursued women that I was totally attracted to. I didn't seduce anyone; that means pretending, but I was just being me. I went out a lot, met new people, tried new things, went to events I wouldn't normally go. If I saw someone I liked, I tried to meet her, but only rarely managed to even talk to her. There were many failures; rejections, or I didn't like her, but ultimately there is only one reason: we weren't compatible. Then, all of a sudden, I met someone, completely unexpectedly, and I didn't even think I would like her initially (I've lost all hope). But she totally surprised me, she's the best girl ever.

I hope this helps; I tried following other people's advice and accept their values, but I couldn't. Then, I lived life according to my values and tried to meet people compatible with me. Initially, I've failed, but I kept my standards, and finally, I've met someone special. Do what you want, meet people, be friendly and honest, and someday, you will meet someone who is awesome beyond your wildest dreams!

[itistoday2]

All my upvotes are go to you! :)

[notdarkyet]

No. You should have done those things for yourself. Anything that drives you should have been for you.

Along the way, you find someone that views you for the person you are trying to be, the one you are now, and whatever is the spur of the moment.

I don't intend to judge you, just the comment. I really think this post is shit and I have not idea why I chose to respond to your post.

Chuck it up man. We are are all fucking just getting by with our shit.

[Claudus]

I have done these things for myself.

[skore]

That seems to be contradictory:

> Everything I've done in my adult life has been motivated by my desire to be attractive to women that I'm interested in;

[beaner]

No reason it can't be both.

[throwaway]

> I'm not sure what the message is here.

The message is that you (and I, for I have days when I think exactly what you described) are missing out on things that are more stable, more useful in the long run.

> Should I have just grabbed any woman that would have me, even if I'm not interested in them for the sole purpose of "developing a serious relationship"?

I too have fallen for women multiple times and failed on all occasions, and developed in the pursuit without any successful. But I do imagine that I might be missing out on the experience that one gets from events after a successful pursuit; some of which could probably be gained even from a less-fortunate more-superficial relationship.

[Claudus]

I guess this article is good advice for the people who have frequent opportunities to develop meaningful romantic relationships and decide to pass on them.

Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people.

[tommi]

Yes.

[JanezStupar]

Theres a tune from one of my favorite bands that in rough translation goes something like this:

I am beyond the used up cliche, that you are only supposed to write about the one who is special. Not even a single tune, not even a single rhime for the millions of the wrong ones, who were here with me, when I didn't have Her.

Believe me, they weren't dumb. Each of them knew - when there is not a Big love. A little one will do.

[bluedanieru]

You need to have some balance though. It's good to do things to make yourself more attractive to women, but you also need to evaluate - quickly - whether a woman finds you attractive. If you think she doesn't, if you suspect she doesn't, even if you think maybe she might be interested but you're not sure, drop her like a sack of dirt and don't look back.

Most women will make up their mind about you within 10 minutes after meeting you. Often even less than that. You have to do the same.