[deleted_account]

I think it's more sad to expect others to divine the solution to your problems when they have no point of reference; I think it's sad when expressions of love and concern are rebuffed with a dismissive, "But you don't understand."

Of course poor Aunt Sharon doesn't understand. And no, the onus isn't on you to make her understand. Unless you want her to...in which case, it may take some effort on your part to frame your emotions to her experience.

Even then you may only meet part way. Which you'll have to accept, but not as a failure.

[pdonis]

I think it's more sad to expect others to divine the solution to your problems when they have no point of reference

I didn't get any sense that the author was expecting others to divine the solution to his problems; I think he was just irritated because they were besieging him with "concern" without actually helping any.

I think it's sad when expressions of love and concern are rebuffed with a dismissive, "But you don't understand."

An expression of love and concern like "Hey, it seems like you're going through a rough time, I hope things work out for you, let me know if there's anything I can do to help" is one thing. That should be met with thanks, yes.

An "expression of love and concern" like "I think you should do X" or "Have you tried Y?" is quite another. It is not really aimed at helping or comforting the person who is having a rough time; it is aimed at easing the emotions of the person who thinks they are being comforting. That is the sort of thing that might (and should) get met with "But you don't understand".

Of course poor Aunt Sharon doesn't understand.

Indeed. And therefore she should not presume to tell the person she doesn't understand how they should "fix" things. The issue isn't really that she doesn't understand; it's that she doesn't even know that she doesn't understand.

it may take some effort on your part to frame your emotions to her experience.

This is true, but Aunt Sharon has to be willing to meet you halfway. Many Aunt Sharons are not.

[deleted_account]

I didn't get any sense that the author was expecting others to divine the solution to his problems; I think he was just irritated because they were besieging him with "concern" without actually helping any.

Therein lies the contradiction. You presume the author isn't expecting solutions and yet he's justifiably irritated because other people aren't helping. I don't think he's justified at all.

So many presumptions about how other people should react and behave: expressions of love should be like this, auntie should know she doesn't understand...

Aunt Sharon has to be willing to meet you halfway

No, she doesn't; she needs to hear, "I don't need advice, I need you to listen."

[pdonis]

he's justifiably irritated because other people aren't helping.

I didn't get the sense that that was the reason for his irritation. I got the sense that he was irritated because they were bothering him while he was trying to figure things out for himself, not that he was expecting them to help and they weren't.

No, she doesn't

She doesn't need to be willing to meet you halfway? Why not? How can someone possibly help at all (assuming help is what is desired in the first place, which it may not be--see above) if you have to do all the work?

she needs to hear, "I don't need advice, I need you to listen."

In some cases that may be appropriate, yes. But once again, it seemed to me like this author wanted to say something more like "Stop bothering me, I don't need help, I need to be left alone. I can't figure things out with you people bombarding me all the time."

[natural219]

Thank you for saying this. Reading the comments on this thread is making me very angry, because K-2052's piece speaks directly to my soul and captures so much of the frustration that I've had in life that by the end, I was cheering the guy on.

Coming back here and having everybody trivialize his experience like this...I don't know. Some problems are more fundamental than you've had to deal with in your life. Unfortunately, you (the people giving advice) will simply never understand -- you're an entire world apart from what it's like to view the world from K-2052 glasses.

I don't even know the guy. I just know what it's like to be truly isolated from the rest of the world.

[Anderkent]

In the aftermath of emotional implosion; friends, family, colleagues and even strangers will metamorph into an invasive species from planet Concern. You okay? Want me to come over? Is there anything I can do? Just let me know man. We are here for you. Remember we are all in this together.

It seems the first type is also irritating. And even though I agree it should be met with thanks the first time, if you keep bothering me I will get irritated. Or if many people keep bothering me, even if only once each. I can only imagine it's similar to what the author felt, and why he disconnected.