[whalesalad]

I can't stand hearing this kind of fud. My parents divorced when I was ten. My dad was accused of being abusive. He may or may not have been, I'm not sure on all the details. Regardless, I turned out fine. I had to go to court. I had to talk to police at random intervals. I could only see my dad a few times a month for a few hours, or every other weekend. They were strange circumstances. But this bullshit about stay together for the kids is complete horseshit. Are you fucking kidding me? I'm livid.

My father has since remarried and is extremely happy with his wife and my two little half sisters. My other sister and I are doing great. I'm starting a company in Sweden and my sister is about to finish her bachelors from USC. My mom is doing great and just adopted a new puppy. Everyone is happy and the shit show is over.

Alternatively had they stayed together... There would have been MOUNTAINS upon mountains of resentment inside of our household. Fuuuuuuuck that no thank you. Kids are tough. They grow up and will be fine if they are loved and supported by their family members... Regardless of whether or not they were divorced.

This bullshit excuse that divorce damages and gives a kid post traumatic stress is false. As we all know most marriages in America end in divorce, so I have a lot of friends with divorced parents. They're all fine. I've never sat with any of them and pouted or wept over my life.

Correlation does not prove causation.

[eksith]

It didn't happen to my family, therefore it doesn't happen right? Thanks for glossing over the therapy and counselling bit.

FYI the age, gender, temperament, environment, household size, family income, income disparity between parents, support or lack of support of other adults in the immediate family, support or lack of support of other children, association with children comparable age/gender/temperament, association with children of different age/gender/temperament etc... etc... one of the few things people miss out when they cite "I'm well adjusted therefore..." as opposed to the legion of people actually studying the effects of divorce on children.

Suffice it to say, your experience with divorce wasn't mine or many others' for that matter. I don't wanna turn this into a flame war, so I'll end it here.

[mgarfias]

Agreed whole heartedly. Dad remarried when I was 13, then spent the next 12 years fighting her in court. Now, that was one marriage that absolutely was not savable.

In my case, there was some long simmering resentment due to a certain someone (not i) being a cheating ho and lying about it. Resolving this would have required said certain party to come clean, and rebuild the relationship. Instead, my insecurities were used against me (I was controlling asshole according to her), and she actively worked to decimate my self esteem. I literally spent years not understanding that I was pissed at her, and why I was so. Then she withdrew from the relationship, supposedly because I was pissed at her, but I suspect really due to abuse suffered as a child. I became the representation of that, she withdrew completely from me, and then I got lonely, hurt, confused, and angrier.

I tried talking to her about being lonely, and was blown off. Eventually, I realized that I was f'in pissed at her, and when I tried to discuss all that came out was bile and hatred. Thats when I knew things were unfixable. Counseling was suggested by her at this point, but I had zero desire to be told all things I did wrong by two people instead of just one. I was done.

Eventually, she did come clean, and somehow expected things to be fixed. All in all I'm soooooo glad we decided to end the relationship, I had zero idea how stressed I was constantly by the relationship.

[HeyLaughingBoy]

The problem is that on the surface it sounds like a good thing, but the reality can be very different.

When people would ask me if I was bothered that my parents were not married, my usual answer was "no, because they would certainly have divorced, or my life would have sucked in a major way." I've seen my parents together enough to know that although they were always polite to each other (at least when I was around) that there is no way they would have stayed together.

Likewise, my wife says the opposite: her parents waited many years too long to get divorced and she suffered for it.

As as result when she and I considered getting divorced (in the end, we didn't) the one thing we could agree on is that every step we took had to consider the impact on the children. That doesn't mean staying together "for their sake" but it did mean not dragging them through the mud with us.