[dofm]

I would not say I am depressed. Despairing at what the world is, sometimes (with much more detachment than before). Not at what I have become; that just is what it is.

I am burned out rather than sad. I can’t get across that I will struggle to travel because that requires planning and initiative that I cannot functionally sustain, or that my previously quite busy social life is gone because I fail to manage an ordinary day, let alone one that will need me to meet people. These are things I am unable to do.

It ultimately doesn’t matter what I would like to do or could fleetingly imagine doing: within an hour I will have lost focus on it or on the drive to do it. I certainly don’t have sustained aspirations because I can’t focus on them. Most days I definitely have an hour or so where I feel like it would be better if it was my last day, but I get distracted from that too.

Everything I achieve happens in these very short windows of time; sometimes maybe I can spend a couple of hours in any day on one thing if I am lucky, but I may not feel the impetus to return to it the next day.

I am lucky if I complete tasks for others that have purely external impetus or a deadline.

It is not about cutting out more compelling or distracting stimuli; my house is quiet and I can also lose focus by falling asleep if I am too comfortable.

I still don’t want hyperfocus back because hyperfocus did this to me! But it’s difficult to envisage things getting better when I can see they are getting worse.

[lrvick]

It really sounds like you should seek out professional help if you have not alread. Everyone deserves to be happy, and in most cases that is possible with the willingness to pursue it.

What you are describing is an imbalance that it not making you happy.

If hyperfocus does not make you happy, then aggressively pursue a balance that does with whatever mix of drugs or therapy or travel or new social activities or new hobbies works for you. Changing nothing only makes sense if you are happy.