[orangedog]

It is not about good tone it's about not being hateful and rude. Why is this that hard to pick apart?

Why do devs believe being rude is somehow a sign of honesty? They are orthogonal. This post needed none of the mean-spirited attacks that it contained to make its points. It is only hurt by the attacks as seen by the focus on "tone" throughout these comments.

[elktown]

It's all about tone. The original bad behavior is done without overt "bad tone" but if the response to it is spicy then the former is ignored and the latter is condemned despite being of lesser severity.

I can buy that it can be good corporate politics to not upset the superficial crowd that will immediately lash out on tone, but I will not judge someone rightfully reacting on bad behavior that they've been on the receiving end of.

Also, I didn't say being rude is a sign of honesty, that's you extrapolating.

[orangedog]

You can call it superficiality but there are just some of us who believe that treating people right is the core of this. You're viewing that as some kind of superficial virtue signaling but if we're not treating people with respect then there's not a point in doing any of this, it gets to the very thing that Kelley is complaining about.

[elktown]

[flagged]

[orangedog]

It's not about kid gloves. There is a ways of reponing to this which isn't this ugly. That's part of being a leader.

[elktown]

I guess I don't value the stoic leadership ideal as much as you do.

[Tadpole9181]

When did Jarred say anything but kind things to Andrew?

[elktown]

There are more ways to behave badly than to call someone bad words. If you’re being that literal.

[ai_critic]

Okay, then what did he do?

[Tadpole9181]

Please, enumerate them.

[voidhorse]

What you are asking for is a slippery slope.

The history of humanity is full of biting polemics and attacks on the character of others, just read Voltaire. Sometimes, attacks are deserved.

Yes, a world in which everyone is professional and "plays nice" sounds great but it also quickly becomes a mechanism for suppression of the truth. Not the situation here, but "decorum" expectations are sometimes precisely one of the functions that help bad people maintain power (consider how difficult it can be for minorities or marginalized people to speak truthfully about what's happened to them). Sometimes one person being blunt, honest, and a little rude is a necessary step in clearing ground for others to be more upfront about the bad behavior of individuals.