[shinycode]

I noticed from reading threads online that I can drink 8 espressos a day and stop having espresso for several days or weeks. I make my own from ground beans of 18g. It does nothing to me, I never felt a stimulation and only taste guides my need. If I don’t like the taste even offered in restaurant I will refuse to drink it. I don’t know why I’m like that but I never understood the discomfort phases and the stimulation ones either. Idk if I’m missing something

[dofm]

Do you have ADHD (or think you might have?)

If so the difference when you are not drinking coffee might be more disorganisation/inattentiveness/impulsivity etc. rather than being less stimulated.

I have learned that I can have four Aeropress brews per day (about 12.5g coffee per cup) and it makes me calmer, more focussed and more able to be organised. I would notice discomfort and jitters at maybe six in a day. But I can fall asleep an hour after drinking one; it has little effect on my sleep and it may even make it a little easier for me to initially fall asleep.

And then I can have nothing the next day and be fine; I only notice withdrawal on day three maybe.

The reason is, it seems, I have otherwise very unmanaged "inattentive" ADHD. (Which is a stupid name for it; I don't have the slightest problem paying attention to things that capture my interest)

[shinycode]

Actually I never felt the need to be diagnosed with ADHD. So I just looked up online and at first-read I don’t think I have something particularly different that could classify me but I might be wrong. Pushing it I also read that there is genetic part to cafein sensitivity but my parents don’t drink coffee at all so I guess I’ll never know. It’s not really a problem though, I can drink double espresso and take a nap or go to sleep which is nice. I can enjoy very good specialty coffee without trouble

[bluefirebrand]

I am not a doctor or psychologist or anything so please take everything below with a grain of salt

I was like you in my 20s, I could drink a lot of caffeine without any effects at all. I was diagnosed with ADHD around 28. At the time my doctor told me that my high caffeine intake was maybe an unconscious way of trying to wrangle with my ADHD, because the treatment for that is stimulants.

Once I started my meds, even a low dose, I basically didn't want coffee anymore. It made a huge difference in my life

Not trying to diagnose you with anything, I just always like to tell heavy coffee drinkers my story in case it might help them if they're feeling like something is off

[dofm]

I just volunteered the same suggestion. I am undiagnosed "inattentive" (but it's as obvious as hell, in retrospect) and I clearly self-medicate with caffeine; I used to have an awful coca-cola problem and now in my fifties I like to take a bit of care over my coffee.

[bluefirebrand]

Yep, inattentive here too

It goes undiagnosed because we aren't hyperactive problem kids in classrooms, and if we're lucky enough to be interested in the subjects we can excel in school

If you're anything like me you've been called lazy a lot in your life when really you're just too bored by stuff to engage with it?

[dofm]

I was an above average school and uni student, yeah.

I tended not to get "lazy" too much because I guess I found a way to be interested (my father was good at pointing me to the fascinating bits of homework etc.). Though looking at my school reports in retrospect it is clear that I did much worse at things I did not care about, and if I think about times I was shouted at for doing a poor job, disinterest was why.

I do, however, fall down intellectual rabbit holes a lot because I need to be interested to get stuff done.

I am now in my fifties and the biggest problem is that I have fully burned out — very severely — because I endured such high levels of stress (caused by trying to freelance while having ADHD), that I ultimately became deadline-dependent to organise myself.

I've spent two years recovering and in that process I have learned that much of the typical advice (cut out caffeine) is wrong for me. Indeed cutting out caffeine left me depressed and eating worse. It is sugar I have to manage, which seems like an overoptimisation (I am quite skinny at times and I can forget to eat)

[shinycode]

Actually I’ve been inattentive as a kid and when I like something time stops I can have really deep focus. But I’ve learn to dig subjects I don’t like to succeed at school and at work so idk if I have ADHD. Sometimes I really hate what I have to do at work and it can be really painful to engage with it and I procrastinate a lot. But I guess many people are like that

[dofm]

FWIW that is borderline diagnostic from what I understand.

The fact that you say "time stops" if it's something you want to, and the fact that you describe starting a task you don't want to do as painful to engage with and you procrastinate until you find some pressure to start…

I don't think this is necessarily everyone's experience at all.

And one of the problems with inattentive ADHD is that because it feels so intrinsic to us we assume it must be much like what everyone else must feel, and we don't ever question whether it is.

Another is that the IT world is absolutely rife with AuDHD and inattentive ADHD — people who canfind the puzzle in something complex, learn the hell out of it and then dive into it with unbroken focus until it is solved tend to earn a lot of money.

(How many tech people do you know who have three or four other talents or obscure hobbies that have huge potential value but remain to them underdeveloped while amazing others — playing an instrument they taught themselves, really good photography, woodworking, etc.; this is an ADHD pattern!)

And then when they begin to burn out in any given job, they confuse the burnout with structural failures of the job (it must have got worse) or with wanting a better job, so off they go to a new one, and unless you keep in touch with them over several job changes you never see the actual pattern.

The defining questions about a diagnosis are whether this pattern has negative impacts on the rest of your life. In my case… it definitely does. But I still have not sought a formal diagnosis because at this point it's just paying to be allowed to take medication I don't really want to take.

[bluefirebrand]

> And then when they begin to burn out in any given job, they confuse the burnout with structural failures of the job (it must have got worse) or with wanting a better job, so off they go to a new one, and unless you keep in touch with them over several job changes you never see the actual pattern.

You know, I've been diagnosed for almost a decade now and working on my ADHD with counsellors and my doctor and medication and such

It still really cuts deep to see my struggles laid out so succinctly by someone who doesn't even know me and can't possibly know my struggle. It's agony knowing this pattern is "known" and yet I went so long just bashing against it fruitlessly

When I was finally diagnosed and started seeing a counsellor about it, I described it like a ticking time bomb in my head. I find something new. A new job, a new friend, a new hobby. I throw myself into it, burn out, blow it up for some reason, get depressed for a while, find something new

It's an agonizing way to live