[dofm]

I just volunteered the same suggestion. I am undiagnosed "inattentive" (but it's as obvious as hell, in retrospect) and I clearly self-medicate with caffeine; I used to have an awful coca-cola problem and now in my fifties I like to take a bit of care over my coffee.

[bluefirebrand]

Yep, inattentive here too

It goes undiagnosed because we aren't hyperactive problem kids in classrooms, and if we're lucky enough to be interested in the subjects we can excel in school

If you're anything like me you've been called lazy a lot in your life when really you're just too bored by stuff to engage with it?

[dofm]

I was an above average school and uni student, yeah.

I tended not to get "lazy" too much because I guess I found a way to be interested (my father was good at pointing me to the fascinating bits of homework etc.). Though looking at my school reports in retrospect it is clear that I did much worse at things I did not care about, and if I think about times I was shouted at for doing a poor job, disinterest was why.

I do, however, fall down intellectual rabbit holes a lot because I need to be interested to get stuff done.

I am now in my fifties and the biggest problem is that I have fully burned out — very severely — because I endured such high levels of stress (caused by trying to freelance while having ADHD), that I ultimately became deadline-dependent to organise myself.

I've spent two years recovering and in that process I have learned that much of the typical advice (cut out caffeine) is wrong for me. Indeed cutting out caffeine left me depressed and eating worse. It is sugar I have to manage, which seems like an overoptimisation (I am quite skinny at times and I can forget to eat)

[shinycode]

Actually I’ve been inattentive as a kid and when I like something time stops I can have really deep focus. But I’ve learn to dig subjects I don’t like to succeed at school and at work so idk if I have ADHD. Sometimes I really hate what I have to do at work and it can be really painful to engage with it and I procrastinate a lot. But I guess many people are like that

[dofm]

FWIW that is borderline diagnostic from what I understand.

The fact that you say "time stops" if it's something you want to, and the fact that you describe starting a task you don't want to do as painful to engage with and you procrastinate until you find some pressure to start…

I don't think this is necessarily everyone's experience at all.

And one of the problems with inattentive ADHD is that because it feels so intrinsic to us we assume it must be much like what everyone else must feel, and we don't ever question whether it is.

Another is that the IT world is absolutely rife with AuDHD and inattentive ADHD — people who canfind the puzzle in something complex, learn the hell out of it and then dive into it with unbroken focus until it is solved tend to earn a lot of money.

(How many tech people do you know who have three or four other talents or obscure hobbies that have huge potential value but remain to them underdeveloped while amazing others — playing an instrument they taught themselves, really good photography, woodworking, etc.; this is an ADHD pattern!)

And then when they begin to burn out in any given job, they confuse the burnout with structural failures of the job (it must have got worse) or with wanting a better job, so off they go to a new one, and unless you keep in touch with them over several job changes you never see the actual pattern.

The defining questions about a diagnosis are whether this pattern has negative impacts on the rest of your life. In my case… it definitely does. But I still have not sought a formal diagnosis because at this point it's just paying to be allowed to take medication I don't really want to take.

[bluefirebrand]

> And then when they begin to burn out in any given job, they confuse the burnout with structural failures of the job (it must have got worse) or with wanting a better job, so off they go to a new one, and unless you keep in touch with them over several job changes you never see the actual pattern.

You know, I've been diagnosed for almost a decade now and working on my ADHD with counsellors and my doctor and medication and such

It still really cuts deep to see my struggles laid out so succinctly by someone who doesn't even know me and can't possibly know my struggle. It's agony knowing this pattern is "known" and yet I went so long just bashing against it fruitlessly

When I was finally diagnosed and started seeing a counsellor about it, I described it like a ticking time bomb in my head. I find something new. A new job, a new friend, a new hobby. I throw myself into it, burn out, blow it up for some reason, get depressed for a while, find something new

It's an agonizing way to live

[shinycode]

Oh wow so sorry to hear that, never thought taking about my insensitiveness to cafeine would yield such discussion. I’m not going through what you feel and I might never know if I save some form of ADHD or not. Maybe there’s a bright side to it or at least some hope for things to get better with time. I deeply wish you the best and to find relief

[bluefirebrand]

Hey, no worries. I've been doing a lot better since I was medicated, but thank you :)

[dofm]

Caffeine discussions are the gateway drug to ADHD discussions!

[dofm]

It is really not that helpful to know that it's not a unique problem, is it? :-/

[bluefirebrand]

It makes it a little easier knowing there are others out there toughing it out like I am. Thanks for chatting, friend