[kentm]

> I'm probably in the minority, but I do not want a "connection" with a business. I want transactional interactions that actually work.

Every time a business tries to make a "connection" its really just an avenue to exploit or manipulate me. I've never had them making a connection for my benefit (i.e. take a hit to their bottom line).

I'm not asking for altruism but I am asking for them to drop the pretense and quit bullshitting me.

[drob518]

Then they’re doing it wrong. That’s a faux “connection” that just serves the business and not you. I would bet that if you experienced true connection, you’d love it, but you’ve been scammed by fraudsters so many times that you are suspicious of anything that doesn’t feel strictly transactional.

[jay_kyburz]

Even the first story in the article sounds gross and creepy to me "The team became mini-concierges. Every guest walked in to find someone who knew them — not in a creepy, surveillance-state way, but in the way a good friend remembers what you’re going through."

I'm not going through anything. I just want some dinner.

And to be clear, the only reason they are doing this is strictly transactional. Good friends don't ask you to pay the bill at the end of dinner.

[jay_kyburz]

I thought of an example of how this should work.

My parents used to go to the same restaurant every Friday night, for many many years. A little chit chat at the register each visit, it doesn't take long before you actually enjoy seeing that person. I began to suspect they continued going just so they had an excuse to see their friends.

You can't engineer these relationships, but you can encourage your staff to be open to a little chit chat. Make sure your team has the time and energy to be friendly. Your team has to be happy, and its needs to show.

I have no problem with the idea that you are going fill your place with good vibes so people actually want to go and hang out there!

[stephenhuey]

I also had an older relative who took me to a nice restaurant several years ago. He had gone to that same restaurant since the 1970s and even though it had changed names over the years, he usually asked for the same waiter, an older man who had worked there for decades. They had chatted about their kids and other things in life. Maybe they weren't the most intimate of friends, but I've felt this same desire in some coffee shops and restaurants, where I want to talk to the same employee again and catch up on at least a couple of things we've discussed before. Maybe we don't do that with every business transaction, but it's nice to experience every now and then.

[marcus_holmes]

We used to have a holiday home in Cornwall when I was young. My father used to have a pint or two at the local pub most evenings when we were there, and we were there 3-4 weeks every year. Eventually we sold the house and stopped going.

My father happened to go back there about 15 years later, randomly on a road trip through Cornwall and thought he'd stop in for a pint for old times' sake. On walking through the door, the barman said "hello Simon, good to see you again, pint of the usual?".

I wonder how many people call in to have a pint at the pub purely because of that barman. I wonder if that pub has survived the cull of British pubs purely because of that barman.

[annzabelle]

My parents go to a kitbar (wine bar with open kitchen and waiters/bartenders who cook) every Wednesday night and have for a decade. They know the staff and have friendly chats with most of the people who work that shift, and it's a nice break in the week for them to get to chat with some young people who aren't their descendants. I come along when I'm in town, and everybody seems happy and cheerful. People work that kind of job, as opposed to, say, data center technician (a big career in that area) because they don't mind making connections with strangers.

[trhway]

>Good friends don't ask you to pay the bill at the end of dinner.

it goes both ways. Good friends aren't expected to be free-loaders.

[sublinear]

Unless you can give a specific example of a "true connection", I don't think they would.

To "go beyond their expectations" requires understanding what they expected to begin with. They just told you that they want a transaction, not a sales pitch or series of intrusions. Things are considered trivial when they do not fit that person's lifestyle. Doing a whole lot of "yes and", rough personality profiling, or goal guessing isn't going to cut it either.

Many people just want to be left the hell alone. Many people have even shouted from the rooftops they'd pay absurd money to be left the hell alone. I guess nobody wants to make money, nor provide a "true connection".

[InvertedRhodium]

I’ll take “No true Scotsman” for $800 thank you Alex.

[AdieuToLogic]

> I’ll take “No true Scotsman” for $800 thank you Alex.

One valid use of "true" means "genuine", "loyal", and/or "faithful". Thus making the sentence fragment "if you experienced true connection" tantamount to "if you experienced genuine connection."

There are many businesses I frequent where I have a "true connection" with the people representing same, from well-known national chains to sole proprietorships.

Asserting the existence of the "no true Scotsman" fallacy in this context is inapplicable.

[danaris]

I mean, I feel like that's what kentm is saying.

Businesses say they're trying to build "connection", but all they care about is getting customers to spend more and remain loyal to them. They don't care about connecting, which is why they will always fail.

[netsharc]

You remind me of a hotel stay in Asia I had. After 10 minutes in the room, I get a WhatsApp message: "Welcome Mr. netsharc. How do you find the room?" (it was more verbose than this). It's from a business account which is the hotel (it's part of an international chain). I wanted to reply "Fine, but I don't want to talk to a bot. Leave me the hell alone." but thought it would upset the person on the other side since the country runs on politeness.

I imagine if I did reply like that there'd be some profuse apologizing, to which I'd think "Yeah, yeah, whatever, just leave me alone.".

All the businesses asking for a rating after I interacted with them also piss me off. Or worse, apps. I give them a bad rating on the play store with the text that the low score is due to the "Spam begging for app store ratings."

[torben-friis]

It is particularly bad when they use their workers as human shields. "If you are satisfied with my service please leave a 5star review, my name is Samantha, we get in trouble for less than 5 stars".

[ValentineC]

> All the businesses asking for a rating after I interacted with them also piss me off.

Singapore Airlines automatically emails passengers after a flight asking for a Net Promoter Score rating [1].

I have a feeling those ratings are mostly unseen, and cabin crew have chimed in that those ratings are unlikely to affect their promotions in any way.

What does help with their career is qualitative feedback written in through their feedback form.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Net_promoter_score

[bko]

> I've never had them making a connection for my benefit (i.e. take a hit to their bottom line).

I have. Go to a car place, build a rapport and the guy will likely apply discounts to your order. Go to the same place, make sure they know you and they'll give you discounts or extras because they know you're a repeat customer.

Many retail workers have some discretion. They're the front line workers. If you tell a manager at McDonalds that he's gotta listen to you yell for 15m to make the company an extra $10, that's not a trade they're willing to make. Hell he would even take it out of his own wallet if he had to (I would).

The whole "businesses do everything for their bottom line" is just some MBA bs and not at all how real businesses work.

[dghlsakjg]

I feel bad for all the people in this thread that apparently have never had a business do something nice for them for the sake of doing something nice.

I've had waiters throw in dessert because we had a good chat, store attendants give me free stuff because I mentioned a problem I had, even big chain employees will go above and beyond just because. All of this with no expectation of reciprocity. Really, I have concrete examples of all where the person helping had no reasonable expectation that I would come back.

If your whole life is purely transactional, and no one is giving you extra, it's time to look at how you move through the world. The problem might be you.

[annzabelle]

I have to wonder if there's something regional to this.

I used to live in a walkable neighborhood in a southern city, and I had several workers and owners at the businesses on my block who were chatty and we got along well. I tipped a dollar for my coffee every time at a local cafe, and the baristas would give me free coffees or ring up my coffee as a refill. The staff and several customers would often get into chats and I made a few friends just from going to that cafe in the afternoons a few weekdays a week.