[freedomben]

Thanks, I much agree. The impression I get is that he isn't "happy" and would rather a real relationship, but has completely given up on that at this point and is kind of trying to be happy with the little he has. He hasn't directlly said that, but that is what I would most bet his feelings are based on what he has said.

Ultimately I want him to be as happy as he can be, so if this is the way then I'm happy for him. I guess for me the real hard thing is deciding how I should react when he talks about this sort of thing. I don't want to encourage him if I'm doing him a disservice, but I do want to encourage him if he really is better off with it. Being neutral as I am now feels like it might be the coward's way out, but it's also more true to how I feel since I really don't know whether it's good or not.

Really appreciate your reply, thank you

[intended]

Don’t sell yourself short.

The neutrality you are showing is more out of consideration and being unsure about the best course of action.

For someone who isn’t a trained counselor - you really just need to listen. The greatest power comes from realizing that all communication is a form of problem solving.

Your friend is rational; some prior lived experience made their current behaviors rational. Handling this is a mostly a job of figuring out what those events and rationales were, and then re-examining them.

The challenge comes from the way emotions are tied up with these behaviors. Their sense of self, shame, frustration, anger - this is where training and experience are needed.