[huhtenberg]

It's all good, but if you haven't had a close relative or a close friend die or come close to it, then no amount of preaching - Live now! Fight the momentum! Live it to the fullest! - is going to do any good. You have to experience it, unfortunately there's no other way.

My dad died suddenly two years ago. Just like that - here he is, poof, here he is not. I tried to capture the feelings in a written form and then have people relate. It does not work. It is a sort of experience that no one will re-live willingly. It's just too damn dark.

[rickdale]

Going on 10 years, similar experience. People don't understand how much suddenness of the death affects you. What I have come to realize is that there is no right way to deal with people dealing with death. And that everyone will deal with death differently. I remember at my dad's funeral stuff the number one line I heard from people was, "if you ever need anything..." I didn't know what that meant then, or now. But its a good line.

As a side note, I was in AP comp sci at the time with only 4 other students. Our teacher was an ex marine computer programming since the punch card days and really strict and emotionless. My indian friend that was in the class with me said that it was so sad and quiet in class the next day that they could hear the teachers heartbeat. I'll never forget that line.

[groby_b]

That line means "if you need somebody, I'm here". It's there to let you know that while you have to go through this by yourself, you are not alone.

But yes, words are insufficient. Even if the other person speaking them has gone through the same pain.

[wpietri]

I agree that words cannot convey the experience of loss. But I don't think that means that you can't do some good with it.

The trick for me has been to try to exemplify and communicate the lessons I've learned, not the process by which I learned them. Being more joyful in the moment. Being more compassionate in the face of suffering. Facing death and loss squarely when it does come up. Declining to participate in the American game of pretending that death does not exist.

Also, I think you can sometimes talk effectively about the direct experience of loss. For example, I got a lot of positive feedback on this, despite the darkness of the topic:

http://www.quora.com/Death-and-Dying-1/What-does-it-feels-li...

[precisioncoder]

Thank you for posting that, I hope that I can die with as much dignity.

[kghose]

This is very true. In a way, now I think that protecting children from the fact of (natural) death is counter-productive. I think that when a relative dies it is important to make children part of the grieving process and to show how important family and friends are, how important it is to show support for the bereaved, and how important it is to live life knowing that it does not last for ever and that it is important to see the 'big picture'.

I would like to add, condolences for your loss. I lost my parents recently too and it has slowed me down and made me appreciate my family and my life more, and made me less spoilt.