[empressplay]

I have super-bad genetics. Not so bad that I have an entirely terrible life, but bad enough that I wouldn't wish them on a child. I know they would hate me, since I am aware of how bad my genetics are.

People who have children think having children is the right choice, generally. They have to, to find meaning in all of the work of having and raising a child. That's understandable. But it is by no means the right choice for everyone.

I had a lousy childhood -- not just because of my genetics. There's no license, no mandatory training for having a child. You can just have one. Many parents are not qualified, by any measure. This keeps therapists well-employed.

Only have a child if you would like to be that child. Only have a child if you feel competent, and able, and certain that when they are an adult they will not resent you -- yes, it's natural to have some resentment for your parents, but this is not the sort of resentment I am talking about.

Do not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES have a child if you're just looking for 'legacy'. Write a book. Give to charity. But this is a terrible reason to have a child! Don't.

[roncesvalles]

>Only have a child if you feel competent, and able, and certain that when they are an adult they will not resent you -- yes, it's natural to have some resentment for your parents, but this is not the sort of resentment I am talking about.

I don't think it's possible to raise children without them developing some resentment. To be a parent is to be a dictator. It's very difficult to be a perfect dictator especially when every kid is an individual; your kid is only vaguely similar to you but not the same and thus may have totally different ideas about living life (and eventually, parenting).

It's more about making sure you keep the relationship intact when they inevitably lash out and have the "ugh you did everything wrong" confrontation (which could last years). It takes unyielding love and endless forgiveness. I think the parent-child relationships that fall apart are those where the parent thinks of the child as their friend. Your kid is your kid, not your friend. You would never forgive a friend if they hurt you even 10% as much as your kid will hurt you. But your kid also loves you in a way that a friend never can, that's the difference. And vice versa for the kid to the parent. You just have to leave a much wider berth than you would for anyone who isn't immediate family. Cutting off is never the right answer except in cases of extreme abuse.

[silisili]

> Do not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES have a child if you're just looking for 'legacy'

Agreed with that. I couldn't even tell you the names of any of my great grandparents, much less anything above.

[ggggffggggg]

> Only have a child if you feel… certain that when they are an adult they will not resent you.

Resenting one’s parents, even like, a really really lot, is a small price indeed to pay to be alive. The other option is to not exist.

[card_zero]

How can I not exist if I don't even exist?

[simonask]

It is completely wild to me that we have apparently reached a stage where eugenics is such an accepted ideology that people will apply it to themselves.

This is disgusting. You deserve to live, and I'm sorry for whatever experiences made you think you shouldn't.

[ponector]

You deserve to live, but with bad genetics why to ensure your child's struggle in life? Especially now when you can get genetic material from a healthy donor.