[roncesvalles]

>Only have a child if you feel competent, and able, and certain that when they are an adult they will not resent you -- yes, it's natural to have some resentment for your parents, but this is not the sort of resentment I am talking about.

I don't think it's possible to raise children without them developing some resentment. To be a parent is to be a dictator. It's very difficult to be a perfect dictator especially when every kid is an individual; your kid is only vaguely similar to you but not the same and thus may have totally different ideas about living life (and eventually, parenting).

It's more about making sure you keep the relationship intact when they inevitably lash out and have the "ugh you did everything wrong" confrontation (which could last years). It takes unyielding love and endless forgiveness. I think the parent-child relationships that fall apart are those where the parent thinks of the child as their friend. Your kid is your kid, not your friend. You would never forgive a friend if they hurt you even 10% as much as your kid will hurt you. But your kid also loves you in a way that a friend never can, that's the difference. And vice versa for the kid to the parent. You just have to leave a much wider berth than you would for anyone who isn't immediate family. Cutting off is never the right answer except in cases of extreme abuse.