[rhyperior]

"I want my heart to harden."

You're just at a different place in the curve of rationalizing other humans' behaviors and motivations and how they affect you. Your response is not invalid, but it makes me sad, because you think it's the best response for you. Why wouldn't you instead hold on to your empathy and make it your super power?

[rkomorn]

> Why wouldn't you instead hold on to your empathy and make it your super power?

At least one reason would be because the empathetic person is usually the one bearing most of the cost of this "super power" while at best only sharing in the reward. Quite often entirely thankless work.

[pdimitar]

How exactly would empathy be a superpower? If I'm empathetic then I'm effectively making excuses for people who don't care that they make my work unbearable.

I'm very interested in your response. I have accepted that I have blind spots and I want to remove them.

[rkomorn]

Not "OP", but I will say that empathy can certainly help you build better things (tools, processes, policies, etc) for the people they affect.

It can also help you understand where coworkers or peers are coming from, and work with them better.

The problem comes when it's a one way road where the empathetic person is doing all the work.

[pdimitar]

That's exactly what happened. I tried improving processes and worked so hard that I neglected my wife.

I was removed because the team lead thought I'm going over his head... while I coordinated every move with him. But the moment I disagreed with him -- once, and for the first time -- I was removed. Zero discussion.

I'm quite empathetic. My original message above comes from bitterness because neither extreme is good. I was in the positive extreme for a while. Too sympathetic, always finding excuses for people who only saw me as a tool to advance their own careers and removed me the minute they thought that was no longer true.

[rhyperior]

Go somewhere you’re valued? Why compromise your own values to make your manager happy.

Empathy is a super power because it helps you understand people and connect with them, and connecting and collaborating is how we succeed. You’re deciding to cut that off in response to what sounds like a shit situation, like cutting off your own fingers.

[pdimitar]

I'm currently trying to go where I'm valued. Unlike a lot of privileged people who only have to pick up the phone, I actually have to do interviews. Takes time and a lot of energy.

As mentioned elsewhere, being empathetic landed me in this crappy situation so sometimes I have my doubts of the strategic value of that trait.

I don't punish others for the a-holery of those who wronged me. Seems to work wonders so far and things are turning around in a very positive way. I'm just despairing how much time it all takes.