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by pdimitar 187 days ago
How exactly would empathy be a superpower? If I'm empathetic then I'm effectively making excuses for people who don't care that they make my work unbearable.

I'm very interested in your response. I have accepted that I have blind spots and I want to remove them.
1 comments
rkomorn 187 days ago
Not "OP", but I will say that empathy can certainly help you build better things (tools, processes, policies, etc) for the people they affect.

It can also help you understand where coworkers or peers are coming from, and work with them better.

The problem comes when it's a one way road where the empathetic person is doing all the work.

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pdimitar 187 days ago
That's exactly what happened. I tried improving processes and worked so hard that I neglected my wife.

I was removed because the team lead thought I'm going over his head... while I coordinated every move with him. But the moment I disagreed with him -- once, and for the first time -- I was removed. Zero discussion.

I'm quite empathetic. My original message above comes from bitterness because neither extreme is good. I was in the positive extreme for a while. Too sympathetic, always finding excuses for people who only saw me as a tool to advance their own careers and removed me the minute they thought that was no longer true.

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rhyperior 187 days ago
Go somewhere you’re valued? Why compromise your own values to make your manager happy.

Empathy is a super power because it helps you understand people and connect with them, and connecting and collaborating is how we succeed. You’re deciding to cut that off in response to what sounds like a shit situation, like cutting off your own fingers.

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pdimitar 187 days ago
I'm currently trying to go where I'm valued. Unlike a lot of privileged people who only have to pick up the phone, I actually have to do interviews. Takes time and a lot of energy.

As mentioned elsewhere, being empathetic landed me in this crappy situation so sometimes I have my doubts of the strategic value of that trait.

I don't punish others for the a-holery of those who wronged me. Seems to work wonders so far and things are turning around in a very positive way. I'm just despairing how much time it all takes.

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