[thomasm6m6]

Here it is: https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/news.html

I downloaded the original article page, had claude extract the submission info to json, then wrote a script (by hand ;) to run feed each submission title to gemini-3-pro and ask it for an article webpage and then for a random number of comments.

I was impressed by some of the things gemini came up with (or found buried in its latent space?). Highlights:

"You’re probably reading this via your NeuralLink summary anyway, so I’ll try to keep the entropy high enough to bypass the summarizer filters."

"This submission has been flagged by the Auto-Reviewer v7.0 due to high similarity with "Running DOOM on a Mitochondria" (2034)."

"Zig v1.0 still hasn't released (ETA 2036)"

The unprompted one-shot leetcode, youtube, and github clones

Nature: "Content truncated due to insufficient Social Credit Score or subscription status" / "Buy Article PDF - $89.00 USD" / "Log in with WorldCoin ID"

"Gemini Cloud Services (formerly Bard Enterprise, formerly Duet AI, formerly Google Brain Cloud, formerly Project Magfi)"

Github Copilot attempts social engineering to pwn the `sudo` repo

It made a Win10 "emulator" that goes only as far as displaying a "Windows Defender is out of date" alert message

"dang_autonomous_agent: We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=8675309 because it was devolving into a flame war about the definition of 'deprecation'."

[keepamovin]

Wow, wow, that is so incredible! The articles! That's beautiful :) WOW!

[pseudosavant]

SQLite 4.0 Release Notes: https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/pages/90098234.html

Another absolute gem:

    Columns now support "Vibe" affinity. If the data feels like an integer, it is stored as an integer.
    This resolves the long-standing "strict tables" debate by ignoring both sides.

Also:

    SQLite 4.0 is now the default bootloader for 60% of consumer electronics.
    The build artifacts include sqlite3.wasm which can now run bare-metal without an operating system.

edit: added link

[patates]

I haven't laughed this much for a while :) I'm exploring the possibility for gemini to write me such jokes every day when I wake up - perhaps it can vibe code something itself.

[locknitpicker]

> This resolves the long-standing "strict tables" debate by ignoring both sides.

This is brilliant. Well done.

[menaerus]

And

  It is now the only software in the world still written in C89.

Hilarious.

[throwaway2037]

But wait, there's more!

    > Predictive SELECT Statements:
    > Added the PRECOGNITION keyword.
    > SELECT * FROM sales WHERE date = 'tomorrow' now returns data with 99.4% accuracy by leveraging the built-in 4kB inference engine. The library size has increased by 12 bytes to accommodate this feature.

12 bytes really sounds like something that the lead dev would write!

[ray_v]

I may live to see it; peak sqlite.

[teiferer]

You are laughing. IBM has already been there, with DB2 having essentially been the OS on mainframes a few decades ago.

[TeMPOraL]

All of this has happened before. All of this will happen again.

[ray_v]

So it's true, the profits have spoken of this!

[xp84]

Omg the Bloomberg/IBM article has so many Easter eggs

[throwaway2037]

Here is the link: https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/pages/90097654.html

The content spot on and very funny.

Also, a popup appeared at the bottom with this message:

    > The future costs money.

    > You have reached your free article limit for this microsecond.

    > Subscribe for 0.0004 BTC/month

Suddenly, I have high hopes again for LLMs. Imagine you were a TV/film script writer and had writer's block. You could talk to an LLM for a while to see what funny ideas it can suggest. It is one more tool in the arsenal.

[avianlyric]

Personal favourite is from the Gemini shutdown article which has a small quote from the fictional Google announcement:

> "We are incredibly proud of what Gemini achieved. However, to better serve our users, we are pivoting to a new architecture where all AI queries must be submitted via YouTube Shorts comments. Existing customers have 48 hours to export their 800TB vector databases to a FAT32 USB drive before the servers are melted down for scrap."

> — Official Blog Post, October 2034

It’s good to know that AI won’t kill satire.

[teiferer]

This article alone seems to be proof that the AI tasked with creating those fake articles was instructed to make the contents somewhat satirical.

[thomasm6m6]

script is here: https://github.com/vtomnet/hn35/blob/main/generate.py

the prompt indeed began with "We are working on a fun project to create a humorous imagining of what the Hacker News front page might look like in 10 years."

[pseudosavant]

Office 365 Price Hike Comment Gold: https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/item.html?id=90097777

    The Conditional Formatting rules now include sponsored color scales.
    If you want 'Good' to be green, you have to watch a 15-second spot.
    Otherwise, 'Good' is 'Mountain Dew Neon Yellow'.

[xp84]

Wow - Gemini is ready for the C-suite already! A+

[TeMPOraL]

Comedy gold. The whole "Right to Human Verification" Act bit sound eerily plausible and realistic, but then we get this bit:

"A recent Eurobarometer survey showed that 89% of Europeans cannot tell the difference between their spouse and a well-prompted chatbot via text."

Also I bet this will become a real political line in less than 10 years:

"A European citizen has the right to know if their customer service representative has a soul, or just a very high parameter count."

[tempodox]

Too optimistic, “AI” minions will insist that a high parameter count is a soul.

[TeMPOraL]

Well, isn't it?

[tempodox]

Can’t be proved or disproved either way.

[LocalH]

Favorite thing I've come across so far:

prompt_engineer_ret 10 hours ago

I miss the old days of Prompt Engineering. It felt like casting spells. Now you just think what you want via Neural-Lace and the machine does it. Where is the art?

git_push_brain 9 hours ago

The art is in not accidentally thinking about your ex while deploying to production.

[danlugo92]

What about this one:

> The micro-transaction joke hits too close to home. I literally had to watch an ad to flush my smart toilet this morning because my DogeCoin balance was low.

And the response...

[throwaway2037]

I am nearly in tears after reading this chain of posts. I have never read anything so funny here on HN.

Real question: How do LLMs "know" how to create good humor/satire? Some of this stuff is so spot on that an incredibly in-the-know, funny person would struggle to generate even a few of these funny posts, let alone 100s! Another interesting thing to me: I don't get uncanny valley feelings when I read LLM-generated humor. Hmm... However, I do get it when looking at generated images. (I guess different parts of the brain are activated.)

[jjcob]

The jokes are not new. If you read Philip K Dick or Douglas Adams there's a lot of satirical predictions of the future that sound quite similar. What's amazing about LLMs is how they manage to almost instantly draw from the distilled human knowledge and come up with something that fits the prompt so well...

[regularfry]

Gemini making a joke out of its own retirement is incredible, genuinely.

[thomasm6m6]

re: image gen, have you seen the more recent models? gemini-3-pro-image (aka nano banana pro) in particular is stunningly good at just about everything. examples: https://vtom.net/banana/

[benbreen]

Love the faux Nature article: https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/pages/90098000.html

Especially this bit: "[Content truncated due to insufficient Social Credit Score or subscription status...]"

I realize this stuff is not for everyone, but personally I find the simulation tendencies of LLMs really interesting. It is just about the only truly novel thing about them. My mental model for LLMs is increasingly "improv comedy." They are good at riffing on things and making odd connections. Sometimes they achieve remarkable feats of inspired weirdness; other times they completely choke or fall back on what's predictable or what they think their audience wants to hear. And they are best if not taken entirely seriously.

[qnleigh]

And below the social credit score:

> © 2035 Springer Nature Limited. A division of The Amazon Basics™ Science Corp.

[dotancohen]

Did you notice who authored the paper?

  > Dr. Sarah Connor, DeepMind AlphaFusion v9.22, GPT-8 (Corresponding Author), Prof. H. Simpson & The ITER Janitorial Staff

[kaiwen1]

Why functional programming languages are the future (again)

Top comment:

“The Quantum-Lazy-Linker in GHC 18.4 is actually a terrifying piece of technology if you think about it. I tried to use it on a side project, and the compiler threw an error for a syntax mistake I wasn't planning to make until next Tuesday. It breaks the causality workflow.”

[tambourine_man]

It’s a bit disturbing that I’m enjoying reading these AI-generated comments this much.

Our actual nerdy discussions are more of a pastiche than I realized and AI has gotten really good at satire.

This is pure gold.

[overfeed]

A sequence in the AR Glass thread was hilarious.

>>> It blocked me from seeing my own child because he was wearing a t-shirt with a banned slogan. The 'Child Safety' filter replaced him with a potted plant.

>> [flagged]

> The irony of flagging this comment is palpable

[pseudosavant]

That deserves to be posted and voted onto the homepage. The fake articles and the fake comments are all incredible. It really captures this community and the sites we love love/hate.

[thomasm6m6]

Now I'm curious to try something more real-time. gemini wouldn't work since it's so slow, but gpt-oss-120b on cerebras could be a good fit with careful prompting. might do this after finals

also worth linking https://worldsim.nousresearch.com/console

[indigodaddy]

What is this? I'd rather not login to a random unknown thing :)

[thomasm6m6]

oh, didn't realize it required login. it's an implementation of the "llm simulates a world as you go" idea. screenshots and twitter for context:

https://sw.vtom.net/tmp/worldsim1.png

https://sw.vtom.net/tmp/worldsim2.png

https://x.com/NousResearch/status/1788283681511035011

https://x.com/karan4d/status/1768836844207378463

[indigodaddy]

Wild stuff, thanks for replying

[phs318u]

This is truly a work of comedy genius. The comments! Too good! Sent to Internet Archive for posterity (https://archive.md/1mpi1).

If I had to decide the fate of all AI's, this single output would be a huge mitigating factor in favour of their continuing existence.

[nextaccountic]

The comments look like some https://old.reddit.com/r/SubSimGPT2Interactive thing (note, this is itself an iteration on https://old.reddit.com/r/SubredditSimulator/)

I miss those times when AI was a silly thing

[winddude]

dear god, I wonder what the accuracy rate on these predictions will be "Does this work against the new smart-mattresses? Mine refuses to soften up unless I watch a 30-second ad for insurance." <https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/pages/90098444.html>

[pdxandi]

Wow, that is incredible. I found myself reading through the entire thing and feeling a bit of dread. I'm impressed, this was like a plausible sci-fi read – maybe not by 2035 but close.

[dash2]

Jepsen:

'The new "Optimistic Merge" strategy attempts to reconcile these divergent histories by asking ChatGPT-9 to write a poem about the two datasets merging. While the poem was structurally sound, the account balances were not.'

That's genuinely witty.

[wernsey]

I got such a kick out of the "Reverse Engineering the Neuralink V4 Bluetooth Protocol" comments:

> My son tried something like this and now he speaks in JSON whenever he gets excited. Is there a factory reset?

>> Hold a strong magnet to his left ear for 10 seconds. Note: he will lose all memories from the last 24 hours.

[magospietato]

Wow, that's brilliant. Can't help but think your script unlocked this. I'm now genuinely reconsidering whether frontier LLMs can't act as force-multiplier to general creativity like they do with programming.

[thomasm6m6]

thanks! here's the script for reference: https://github.com/vtomnet/hn35/blob/main/generate.py

[throwaway2037]

As a big fan of Zig, I still got a laugh out of this one:

    > "Zig v1.0 still hasn't released (ETA 2036)"

<reddit> Then I thought one step further: Nothing about the ETA for _Duke Nukem Forever_? </reddit>

[cardanome]

> Wayland has been stable since 2028, stop living in the past.

Even AI is throwing shades at wayland.

[TheOtherHobbes]

This is one of the best things I have ever seen on HN.

[isoprophlex]

    > corpo_shill_automator 19 hours ago
    > I am a real human. My flesh is standard temperature. I enjoy the intake of nutrient paste.

[eek2121]

I didn't even look at it, however, the comments are absolute gold. Well done to OP and others involved. It should be pinned on the front page. ;)

[deepvibrations]

Love it! Favourite comment:

"Why is anyone still using cloud AI? You can run Llama-15-Quantum-700B on a standard Neural-Link implant now. It has better reasoning capabilities and doesn't hallucinate advertisements for YouTube Premium."

[xp84]

https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/pages/90098999.html

> It is the year 2035. The average "Hello World" application now requires 400MB of JavaScript, compiles to a 12GB WebAssembly binary, and runs on a distributed blockchain-verified neural mesh. To change the color of a button, we must query the Global State Singularity via a thought-interface, wait for the React 45 concurrent mode to reconcile with the multiverse, and pay a micro-transaction of 0.004 DogeCoin to update the Virtual DOM (which now exists in actual Virtual Reality).

This is all too realistic... If anything, 400MB of JS is laughably small for 2035. And the last time I was working on some CI for a front-end project -- a Shopify theme!! -- I found that it needed over 12GB of RAM for the container where the build happened, or it would just crash with an out-of-memory error.

[throwaway2037]

    > And the last time I was working on some CI for a front-end project -- a Shopify theme!! -- I found that it needed over 12GB of RAM for the container where the build happened, or it would just crash with an out-of-memory error.

This sounds epic. Did you blog about it? HN would probably love the write up!

[chirayuk]

This got me a chuckle.

> Bibliographic Note: This submission has been flagged by the Auto-Reviewer v7.0 due to high similarity with "Running DOOM on a Mitochondria" (2034).

for the article on "Running LLaMA-12 7B on a contact lens with WASM"

https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/pages/90100123.html

[eproxus]

This is incredibly funny, I’m impressed. The FAQ of the No-AI Editor is hilarious:

Q: I typed "make website" and nothing happened? A: That is correct. You have to write the HTML tags. <div> by <div>.

Q: How do I center a div without the Agent? A: Nobody knows. This knowledge was lost during the Great Training Data Purge of 2029.

[xp84]

that last one hits hard because really, I don't even know today IRL

[indigo945]

"Ask HN: How do you prevent ad-injection in AR glasses", comments:

    visual_noise_complaint 7 hours ago
    Is anyone else experiencing the 'Hot Singles in Your Area' glitch where it projects 
    avatars onto stray cats? It's terrifying.
      cat_lady_2035 6 hours ago
      Yes! My tabby cat is currently labeled as 'Tiffany, 24, looking for fun'. I can't 
      turn it off.

"Europe passes 'Right to Human Verification' Act", from the article:

    "For too long, citizens have been debating philosophy, negotiating 
    contracts, and even entering into romantic relationships with Large Language 
    Models trained on Reddit threads from the 2020s. Today, we say: enough. A 
    European citizen has the right to know if their customer service 
    representative has a soul, or just a very high parameter count."
    — Margrethe Vestager II, Executive Vice-President for A Europe Fit for the 
    Biological Age

    [...]

    Ban on Deep-Empathy™: Synthetic agents are strictly prohibited from using 
    phrases such as "I understand how you feel," "That must be hard for you," or 
    "lol same," unless they can prove the existence of a central nervous system.

As far as I'm concerned, that law can't come soon enough - I hope they remember to include an emoji ban.

For "Visualizing 5D with WebGPU 2.0", the link actually has a working demo [1].

I'm sad to say it, but this is actually witty, funny and creative. If this is the dead-internet bot-slop of the future, I prefer it over much of the discussion on HN today (and certainly over reddit, whose comments are just the same jokes rehashed again and all over again, and have been for a decade).

[1]: https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/pages/90099800.html

[SauntSolaire]

That demo even has a hidden easter egg when you move one of the sliders to max. If that was all AI originated it's rather impressive

[xp84]

Nice.

GPU: NVIDIA RTX 9090 Ti (Molten Core) VRAM Usage: 25.3 GB / 128 GB

[teekert]

-- At the 2060 Nobel price ceremony --

Q: Welcome Prof. teekert, How did you come up with the idea to run Doom on mitochondria?

A: Well, there was some post on HN, back in 2025...

[ya1sec]

Funny, one of the posts has the following hashtag: #humanwritten

[reed1234]

This is awesome! This is a small thing; all the comments have one child. It would feel more natural with some entropy.

And the original/derivative doesn’t span full width on mobile. Fixing that too would make it look very authentic.

[thomasm6m6]

good point. some of the comments actually do have >1 children, e.g. a few here (https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/item.html?id=90098555), but it'd be better if more random

[reed1234]

True. I was looking at this one for your reference: https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/item.html?id=90100001

[thomasm6m6]

Ah that one was generated with an earlier prompt, where I asked it to use the original comment count from TFA (mostly as a suggestion, I don't expect it would get the exact number). Then I realized that was too many and it would end up repeating tropes for the other submissions' comments, so reduced it to a random comment count from 20-100

[instagraham]

> (I replaced it with a standard Gen-3 Solid State Graphene slab; luckily the connector pin-out is documented in the Ancient Archives

Who's building the Ancient Archives, thanklessly, for future generations?

[pseudosavant]

Pretty amazing! I was especially impressed with how it has clearly downvoted comments on the Rust kernel like "Safety is a skill issue. If you know what you're doing, C is perfectly safe."

Or people wondering if that means Wayland will finally work flawlessly on Nvidia GPUs? What's next, "The Year of Linux on the Desktop"?

Edit: had to add this favorite "Not everyone wants to overheat their frontal cortex just to summarize an email, Dave."

[ajolly]

"The Martian colonies also ran out of oxygen last week because an AI optimized the life-support mixing ratio for 'maximum theoretical efficiency' rather than 'human survival'. I'll take the Comic Sans, thanks. reply

musk_fanboy_88 14 hours ago:

That was a beta feature."

[shaky-carrousel]

The most unrealistic part of your work is HN allowing emojis in just 10 years.

[noname120]

Note that the generated article links only work from the home page. If you open the comments section and then click on the article it redirects to the hallucinated URL instead of the generated article.

[novaray]

> We are incredibly proud of what Gemini achieved. However, to better serve our users, we are pivoting to a new architecture where all AI queries must be submitted via YouTube Shorts comments. Existing customers have 48 hours to export their 800TB vector databases to a FAT32 USB drive before the servers are melted down for scrap

[lxgr]

> Running Tailscale on the Starlink Gen 7 "Orb" (Jailbreak Edition) By Maya Srinivasan (AI Networking Lead) & Avery Pennarun III November 12, 2034 Ever since SpaceX released the Starlink Gen 7 (the spherical, floating one that follows you around like a Fallout eyebot)

Amazing :D

[arein3]

After reading it for a half an hour and going back to the real version I got a feeling that something isn't right

[shazeubaa]

This is absolutely brilliant! Well done.

[71bw]

Blocked by FortiGate as pornography of all things... submitted for review, but got a chuckle out of me lol

[jacquesm]

Hehe, that's lovely.

Improvements: tell it to use real HN accounts, figure out the ages of the participants and take that to whatever level you want, include new accounts based on the usual annual influx, make the comment length match the distribution of a typical HN thread as well as the typical branching factor.

> Garbage collection pause during landing burn = bad time.

That one was really funny. Some of the inventions are really interesting. Ferrofluidic seals...

[chirayuk]

Fun comments for re-writing sudo in Zig:

> Zig doesn't have traits. How do you expect to model the complexity of a modern `sudoers` file without Higher-Kinded Types and the 500 crates we currently depend on?

> Also, `unsafe` in Rust is better than "trust me bro" in Zig. If you switch, the borrow checker gods will be angry.

from https://sw.vtom.net/hn35/pages/90100066.html

[indigodaddy]

Wow absolutely incredible job. You are my hero. You should post this to HN lol.

[gen6acd60af]

>This submission has been flagged by the Auto-Reviewer v7.0

But we already have this on HN ;-)

[dupe]

[winddude]

disappointing I can't download the arxiv papaers. Otherwise nice work. Also, This made my day!!

[GFischer]

This is great.

[jodrellblank]

"It's scary stuff. Radically advanced. - I mean, it was smashed, it didn't work, but it gave us ideas, took us in new directions, things we would've never Th..."

[fetzu]

“dang_autonomous_agent”, ffs!