[Thossndjsj]

Most people from what I've seen don't want unique as much as they want somewhat famailiar. If it deviates too far away from that then they are repulsed, and I can give you an example right here.

I'm going to commit suicide. I've known this for the last 15 years. It'll probably be another 10 years before I'll die, but I know my end is half laying down with a 1.5 inch nylon strap tied cinched on my neck and a tree trunk in the dead of night so that no one will be able to find me in time. The reason I haven't is because I'm taking of elderly relatives, but they are the only reason I'm still here.

That's the real me. The one that looks forward to dying even though there doesn't seem to be any reason why I want to die.

I wonder how many in this thread would be utterly horrified by this vs accepting of this.

[WolfeReader]

Neither horrified nor accepting.

What you have is mental illness. A healthy brain does not decide to kill itself. Please get help and do NOT wait for your elderly relatives to pass before making the call.

[Thossndjsj]

And thus my point is illustrated. Few seem to believe that wanting to die is a valid state of mind without some sort of physical or psychological malady.

And hence why as is often the point, being unique isn't a desired thing. Because most people don't want the frightening unfamiliarity.

[WolfeReader]

Every organ in the body, when healthy, supports the life of the whole organism. The suicidal brain is not supporting the life of the organism; it is not healthy.

Get off of internet forums and seek medical help. Your loved ones would tell you the same thing.

[Thossndjsj]

If what you say is true, then why did no species evolve immortality?

What about people that give their lives to save others? Are they mentally ill as well?

And again this is what I mean. I don't have anyone close to me anymore outside of the ones in my care. That was a conscious decision to minimize any potential collatoral harm when I do die.

My previous friends have drifted off over the last 15 years from me intentionally neglecting those relationships. I have never had intimate relationships with anyone, I haven't spoken to my sibling in 22 years, and most of my kin lives continents away and to whom I have never even seen in my life.

Who exactly are these loved ones you think exist?

[WolfeReader]

The question: "Who exactly are these loved ones you think exist?"

The answer: "elderly relatives" "My previous friends" "my sibling" "my kin"

When you say, "That was a conscious decision to minimize any potential collatoral harm when I do die", it tells me that you were suicidal first, and lost contact with your friends and family second. You have all of those connections, and they will be devastated to learn that you took your own life without reaching out for help.

(I'm ignoring the first two paragraphs you posted - it's just pointless argumentation on your part that doesn't have anything to do with your illness.)

[Thossndjsj]

>I'm ignoring the first two paragraphs you posted - it's just pointless argumentation on your part that doesn't have anything to do with your illness.

No you're not ignoring it because it's irrelevant. You're trying to do so because you're afraid of what you'll find if you did seriously try to answer it. Because it brings shakes a foundational idea that human life is to be held sacred above all.

And that's fine, I'm not asking you to change your world view. What is irritating to me though is that you're inventing a carracature of me that doesn't exist.

Those connections that imagine exist, don't. The elderly relatives are the only ones that know I still yet live, and once they pass I too shall end.

But the kin you think cares about me, I can assure you, doesn't. We may share ancestors but that is all. They're all continents away, most don't know inexistance and none even know my name.

And the friends that I had were only due to proximity from school or work. How hard exactly do you think it was for me to cut them out of my life?

Because all I had to do was.... Nothing. I did nothing and they disappeared like the mist in the wind. We were never close. I never learned what their favorite food was, or when their birthday was, or the names of their spouse or children.

Perhaps they would be sad if they learned I passed. But who's going to tell them when they are in effect strangers to me now? I city I live in has hundreds of suicides a year and there's nary ever a whisper about it.

So again, what loved ones?

[hypeatei]

FWIW, I have the same mindset and your comment resonated with me; suicide is a very taboo subject still. The responses to it are either: you need to seek help for mental illness or you're just acting like an edgy teenager.

The term "mental health" is quite terrible because what are we using as a baseline for "healthy" when we throw that term around? No one can answer that. I don't think everyone using that term is being malicious but they don't realize how patronizing it is.

[Thossndjsj]

The problem is I don't think the initial reaction is incorrect. How does one tell the difference between someone in pain crying for help and someone that's genuinely ready to go? You can't really, not without long conversations.

What gets to be a tired argument is with people that seem to believe that the former is the only possible explanation, and refuse to believe that the latter is even a possibility. For them I think the problem is that challenges the belief that life is to be held upon a sacred alter above all, and that such a belief is held to be a universal truth.

It's hard to step away from such a belief because it opens an uncomfortable door in asking what makes being alive to be preferable, who gets to decide that, and what if anything should be done about it.

[dirtybirdnj]

I am taking care of an aging and physically limited parent. It's brought me to my absolute limit. I often say stuff about wanting to be dead but I don't think I've ever been serious about it. It's the kind of thing I am trying to discourage in myself, but I'm trying to be more compassionate with myself in the times that I do.

Why are you so certain? 15 years is a long time to look down that barrel why do you deserve that?

[Thossndjsj]

I don't know if I can answer that well; it's like me asking you how you can be certain you love someone.

But my best attempt would be to say... There hasn't been any contraindications to make me think that think that suicide isn't the correct choice in the end. It feels right to me.