[idiotsecant]

There's little better than helping someone like that expand their understanding of the world and their place in it. In the end, influencing hearts and minds is one of the few things you can do that will have a lasting impact after you're gone.

[em-bee]

we should all aspire to be a little bit like daryl davis. just a bit. i am not going out of my way to seek out people like that, like he did, but when i discover that one of my friends is leaning into that direction, then i look to daryl davis for inspiration.

[JustExAWS]

Why do I have the feeling you are not a minority, have never been stopped or questioned for being some place you “didn’t belong” or had to tell your six foot 3 step son to make sure that he and his other Black friend (two of five Black guys in the entire school) didn’t walk to the Waffle House to meet their friends after the football game unless their White friend was going with them because they would get harassed by the police?

No I’m not saying “everyone is racist”. But it’s not my responsibility to spend my energy educating racist and to proffer myself as “one of the good ones”.

[anonymars]

The Daryl Davis that was mentioned is a black man who befriended many KKK members and resulted in them giving up their robes

https://www.ted.com/talks/daryl_davis_klan_we_talk

[raw_anon_1111]

You didn’t answer the question - are you a minority?

Do you also think Hispanic people who are here legally should have a chat with a bunch of ICE agents to change their hearts and minds?

If you are White, would you go out of your way to reach out to someone who belongs to a group who actively hates White people? I’m not naming a specific group even though I’m sure they exists because I honestly have no idea what groups they are and I would no more spend energy trying to change their minds either. If anyone in my family said anything that was outright racist or homophobic I would check them also.

My dad (now 83) on the other hand did slightly change his opinion on sexuality when he had to admit that one of his nephews were gay. But even then on a macro level he isn’t going to be waving a Pride flag around and he still thinks being gay is a moral sin that is going to damn a person to hell.

It’s just like a White guy I was friends with for years on a personal level, I had no doubt that if I needed him or if he saw someone harassing me or my family he would take out one of his many guns and defend me.

But once Trump came on the scene and I saw some of his posts on FB, I realized that he treated me as “one of the good ones” and if I was some random guy that he met on the street he would’ve treated me differently. He went on a racist tirade on Facebook about his daughter dating a Black guy for instance.

[anonymars]

I'm not the person you were replying to originally, I was providing context for who Daryl Davis is and what he has done

That doesn't mean everyone else has to do the same thing, anymore than save the whales or end world hunger. Only that people aren't immutable and irredeemable and it's not fair to dismiss the idea of connecting with them as inherently ridiculous

[scarface_74]

Yes and because $TechFounder can drop out of school and become a multi billionaire, you can too. It’s “Survivorshio Bias” at its finest.

[em-bee]

i didn't say that you should. please reread what i said: i would not go out of my way to find these people, but if one of my friends turned out to be one of them, then i would try to slowly change their mind. using daryl davis as inspiration means that if he can befriend complete strangers to change their mind, then i can make an effort with the friends that i already have. that's all i am suggesting here. and in particular this call goes out to people who are not a minority themselves.

[scarface_74]

By definition, as a Black guy, how would I have White friends who didn’t like Black people? I mentioned I go down to the bar downstairs from where I live where I’m friends with the bartender to hang out with him and whoever comes by - all tourists who I will probably never see again (near Disney world). I’ve met and spoken to people all over the world and even had a few shallow conversations with people who only spoke Spanish using my very limited (B1) level Spanish speaking skills.

What I’m not going to do is go to a rural evangelical church in Alabama to let them get to know me.

I hate the narrative that I’m suppose to be “the better person”. I don’t owe anyone my energy. I don’t owe people “forgiveness” who want to bring harm to me or my family. I have no need to show people that I’m “the model negro”.

I also wouldn’t have “friends” of any color who spew racists or homophobic BS. Again I have plenty of friends who are traditional Reagan/Bush/Romney pre-2016 conservatives. We disagree on certain things. But we agree on common human decency.

I also find the “allyship” crap that I see in leftist circles vomit worthy.

On another post here on HN, someone posted on an “Ask HN” how could they find a job as someone with cerebral palsy. I mentioned that I had “CP” that mostly affected my left hand and went on about the post.

Then I had I guess people who called themselves “disability allies” chastise me for using the abbreviation “CP” because it was also an abbreviation for child porn.

I had to point out that every single disability organization like Easter Seal (the place I went growing up) abbreviated it CP.

It’s no different than I assume White people telling me that I should befriend a Klansmen to change their mind. Until you have walked in my skin, you have no right to tell me how I should spend my time changing the minds of a bunch of racists pricks.

[JustExAWS]

This is honestly a naive take and probably comes from someone who is not a minority (I am) or someone who didn’t grow up in the south.

It reminds me of the vomit inducing DEI training I was forced to endure and the “allyship” BS when I did my stint at BigTech between 2020-2023.

There are deeply religious people who sincerely think from decades of growing up being indoctrinated in the church who believe that miscegenation is a sin and that by allowing “the gays” to get married that God will destroy the country.

I also lived in what was a famous “sundown town” until recently for eight years (yes this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WErjPmFulQ0). I didn’t live there myself until 2016. Where we lived is approximately a 10 minute drive from where that outdoor scene was shot. We had a house built in the burbs there. Even though I made by myself twice the household income on what has become the most affluent burb of Atlanta, my 6 foot 3 stepson who had grown up in the burbs of Atlanta all of his life still got questioned by a Karen when he was in the neighborhood pool because she didn’t think he belong there. Was I suppose to approach her and we sit down and have a coffee while introduce her to Black culture? It’s not my duty to be an ambassador to anyone.

Right now, 40% of the country is cheering Trump’s treatment of LGBT and especially trans and immigrants.

And even if someone who is a racist sees me - a successful “articulate”, Black person who happens to know how to code switch on demand, in their mind they probably see ne as “not like other Black people).

Don’t get me wrong, I always “assume positive intent” and I am not at all uncomfortable in spaces where most people think I should be uncomfortable.

[idiotsecant]

It's not naive to choose to see the best parts of people and hope that they can change to be the best version of themselves. Not everyone will change, but some will. When we let our damage accumulate to the point that we stop believing that we do a disservice to ourselves most of all. It doesn't mean we should march into a pit of bears wearing a pineapple glaze, it means that we hope for the best and don't let it break our spirit if we're wrong.

[scarface_74]

My spirit isn’t “broken” those people - the ones who actively support the demonization of “other” are irrelevant to me unless they are in a position to bring me harm - mostly law enforcement these days.

I see people individually how they treat people and who they surround themselves with. Don’t tell me there are “good people” who support Liberty University or who don’t speak out in churches when the leadership supports politicians and policies that demonize others.

And even then, I’m fine with ministers who say they refuse to marry gay people or allow the ceremonies in their churches. That’s there right to have a backwards belief.

[squigz]

Out of curiosity, how do you think society should deal with such people?

[JustExAWS]

At 51, that’s not my responsibility. We have seen that much of rural America have no desire to get out of their Fox News induced bubble.

It’s even worse than I thought it was before 2020. When Fox News called the election fairly in 2020 and any other time it veers slightly off the Trump bandwagon, even it is punished by the viewers.

It’s just like with religious people (subject change I’m not trying to imply all religious people are racist). I once read about a deeply religious lady who had 7 kids and 6 of them died during a tsunami and she said she was so grateful to God and how good he was for saving one.

You can’t change people’s deeply held beliefs. Sure you might be able to get people to see different about right vs left policy decisions or at least respect your viewpoint. But people’s value systems are about identity and community especially in the rural Bible Belt where their shared culture and since of belonging is based on the church and now the church has based its culture on populism.

[squigz]

I'm sure the 51 year olds in the population you're referring to don't consider themselves absolved of their responsibility (as they see it)

Maybe the fact that so many people are so willing to entirely wipe their hands of things and write off half the country as racist idiots is contributing more to the problem than churches.

[anonymars]

You might find this organization will resonate with you: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braver_Angels

> Braver Angels ... is a ... nonprofit dedicated to political depolarization. The organization runs workshops, debates, and other events where "red" (conservative) and "blue" (liberal) participants attempt to better understand one another's positions and discover their shared values.

> The organization states that it is the "largest, grassroots, bipartisan organization in America dedicated to reviving the communal spirit of American democracy." As noted by Cavendish, they say that their "method involves bringing politically diverse people together in small groups to listen empathetically to each others' perspectives."

[scarface_74]

How is it “my responsibility”? My “responsibility” starts and ends with my family. I will even go a step further and say it’s my responsibility to advocate for policies that lift people up and provide a social safety net. If I decide to volunteer my time to help others that’s my choice.

It’s definitely not my responsibility to put myself out there to change the hearts and minds of racists pricks. While it is my responsibility to assume the best in individuals and to treat people like people.

[raw_anon_1111]

And I’m sure your insight about how much energy Black people spend on changing hearts and minds comes from your personal experience sitting around the dinner table with your family or when you’re having drinks with your friends?