[david-gpu]

> I was Facebook’s first engineer promoted to E9 outside the US. All this, at the cost of my second-grade son making sure he had a reserved spot on my calendar prior to me heading off to work that morning. Was it worth it?

> If you want atypically fast career growth, you need to put in the hours. Only you can answer whether the sacrifices are worth it.

Ask the kid. Or the spouse.

My father had a significant career: medical doctor with a PhD, yadda yadda. I won't go into the details, but he left much to be desired both as a husband and as a father. At the age of 54, while he was working on a second PhD, he had a stroke that nearly killed him and left him severely disabled until his death at 70.

Was it worth it? His surviving family doesn't think so. I think we would have all been happier if he had made different choices. His mistakes were a big part of why I quit working to spend time with my own family. Ask my spouse and children whether I made the right call.

[pseudosavant]

Between his career, and serving in our lay ministry church, my Dad (indirectly) taught me that I wanted to be around with my kids (unlike him). I definitely don't have the career drive he had. I'm also certainly A LOT happier than he has ever been, and I have a great relationship with my kids.

There aren't a lot of people I meet, that are meaningfully more successful in their career than me, that don't usually make sacrifices I'm unwilling to make for their work/life harmony.

[Gee101]

I think what complicates the matter is that some people have an inherent drive. They want to see progress and really struggle when it's not happening.

The flip side of the coin is those people might end up alcoholics to try and suppress that drive.

[paulcole]

If, hypothetically, your kids and wife asked you to work many more hours and earn much more money, would you do it?

[hombre_fatal]

If you're stagnating in an entry level job and barely making ends meet, your wife might want you to put your head down or escalate into better job opportunities, and that's a sensible decision.

If you're an engineer at Meta and your wife/kid want you to work even more, then they probably prefer to spend time with your wife's boyfriend, and you deserve some reckoning.

[david-gpu]

Ironically, I worked really hard for a number of years precisely to ensure that my family would be financially safe if something happened to me -- something like what happened to my own father. The difference was that I quit my well-paying job as soon as we had enough to sustain a modest lifestyle.

I will admit that at times I was seduced by the illusion of status, so I get why some people get trapped in that work-first mindset, but it was a very shallow mirage. Just look at your spouse and children and ask whether they would rather have more money, or a more present husband & father.

If my wife asked me to work harder to make more money, I would question my choice to marry her. But she didn't, she was supportive both while I was working and when I decided to quit. She could see the price I was paying for that salary.

[paulcole]

> Just look at your spouse and children and ask whether they would rather have more money, or a more present husband & father.

But you yourself are saying that if you disagree with your spouse's assessment of the situation (in the hypothetical) you'd consider divorcing her.

You really just want someone to validate the decision you've made rather than challenge it.

[david-gpu]

Let's take a step back and understand the context of this discussion. This isn't a forum where unemployed people talk about poverty finance. This is a place primarily made by and for tech bros. Said tech bros are far more likely to fall into the category of "workaholic overachiever" than "unmotivated NINJA" [0]. My comments in this thread are written in that context.

As for the rest, I will take your kind insights to heart. If you want to work longer hours because your spouse asks you to make more money, that's your own choice to make. I thankfully didn't have to face that situation.

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_income,_no_asset#No_income,...

[paulcole]

I mean you're the one who said, "Ask the kid. Or the spouse."

But you're just saying "Ask the kid. Or the spouse... As long as they say what I want to hear."

You may feel that the thing you want to hear is objectively "right" but it isn't.

> If you want to work longer hours because your spouse asks you to make more money, that's your own choice to make.

I don't know why you think that would be my choice? My point is that I don't ask people for input if my mind is already made up.

[xigency]

Troll / flamebait

[paulcole]

Lol / no