[sinenomine]

Bro, forget about guilt and lamenting, you are not obligated to be useful, you can just be.

You obviously have ADHD, go and get on stims, it will likely help you. Or there may be some other issue. Or you may indeed be this way forever. Just go and try to change something in the brain for once.

Stop coping unless you want to cope until the end.

[justanything]

Well, how will I live if I don't make money or am useful. I appreciate your words, but this world is no utopia, humans have always had to have some utility to exist since the days we evolved into our current form. We are just slightly better animals, and wildlife is brutal. And, so is this world we inhabit.

I already got tested for it by multiple different professionals, they seem to think I don't have it. And people with adhd are everywhere in the tech industry, it did not stop them from learning or becoming great engineers.

I have tried strattera, vyvanse, and some other meds i can't even remember, none worked and only made me more suicidal

I don't see any hope for me.I have no capacity to work hard, learn technical shit, love people, sense of responsibility, anything. I just wanna go, but I need money before I end it

[sinenomine]

If you aren't suitable for white collar track, you very well know you can get into blue collar trades or become a taxi driver.

The tests for ADHD and some variations of depression are leaky, erroneous shit. Just get the drugs (Adderall xr, Wellbutrin) and see if these help.

You say you tried some NDRI spectrum drugs, this probably means you have some rare type of depression or schizo spectrum disorder, or something else entirely.

If your parents truly care about you they will find you a decent doctor that will diagnose it.

>it did not stop them from learning or becoming great engineers.

You seem not to be wired to get intrinsic motivation from coding, idk.

[justanything]

I am not wired to get intrinsic motivation from anything. period.

[sinenomine]

Might be low T btw

[justanything]

Nope, pretty high on T but without any of the pros of having high T

[sinenomine]

Anhedonia or negative symptoms of schizophrenia, or something else, might be even me/cfs, or obscure allergy.

... You seem to have intrinsic motivation to write longish texts though, unironically.

[justanything]

Haha, I don't know why I love writing about how shit I am, probably because I am hoping for some miracle