[neilv]

> obsequious

You might've hit what bugs me about dining out (in the US).

My favorite place for first dates was this particular cafe-restaurant, where a server would come to your table for your order, eventually, but otherwise didn't bother you.

For example, they did none of the apparently standard barge-in of your conversation, 10 minutes after you're served, asking how everything is.

Also, in restaurants in general, some servers have mastered the art of refilling water glasses like a ghost, and somehow asking if you want to refresh your drinks without interrupting your conversation.

But others either aren't able to do that, or come from a school of thought that the top priority is that guests be conscious of the server's willingness to serve.

I tip 20%+ in any case, but I wish more servers would be more subtle.

[ponector]

>I wish more servers would be more subtle

Why would they change their behavior if you tip anyway?

[neilv]

I think it would be jerky to give feedback notes to a server, and almost no one will do it, so the message wouldn't come across that way.

I'd guess what's needed is to promote a different school of thought via broadcast (e.g., through lifestyle articles and restaurant trade publications).

Though it might be that I'm not representative, and more US diners want to go through the rituals of being served conspicuously, as part of the experience.

[ndsipa_pomu]

Personally, I wouldn't bother trying to educate the server, but would instead choose somewhere else to eat.