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by bornfreddy 429 days ago
Actually, children don't need grounding, they need to be taken seriously instead. Their emotions are no less valid than the ones of the grown up people, they just lack experience to recognize them and to handle them appropriately.

If you take the time to explain the situation to the child you often don't need to convince them anymore. And if you can't explain - should you really have your way?
3 comments
kortilla 429 days ago
>If you take the time to explain the situation to the child you often don't need to convince them anymore.

This is not true. It doesn’t work for meltdowns caused by not buying them a toy, not giving them ice cream at bed time, etc.

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bornfreddy 428 days ago
No, it doesn't - because meltdowns are the final stage of "why is this adult not listening to my side of the story?!?'. What works is communicating with them (earlier), listening to them, talking to them and - yes, explaining situations to them. Basically treating them with respect. No offence, but whenever I saw a meltdown, the child in question always had a point. It was the adult who was missing it. What is worse, sometimes the adult was even plain wrong in their position, at least from my point of view.

I hope I don't come across as rude, this is just something I feel very strongly about. Once you see how differently the kids behave if you treat them with respect it is difficult to be quiet about it. :-)

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kortilla 426 days ago
What you’re saying is out of touch with raising a child with a strong personality and you’re either projecting your experience with a docile child or are just really overfitting on a few bad interactions you observed that were clearly caused by the adult.

Not being understood is one of many frustrations children have and it’s very rarely the cause with my friends that diligently practiced gentle parenting that heavily involved acknowledging emotions and desires but still resulted in meltdowns because KIDS ARE SELFISH. There is a reason “sharing” is a school that has to be taught.

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bornfreddy 426 days ago
Maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe "strong personality" is just an excuse, or maybe it really is the cause.

I don't think we will reach an agreement here, so let's just leave it at this. Wish you all the best!

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wizzwizz4 428 days ago
In urgent, dangerous situations (e.g. sudden busy traffic)? Yes. But, you can explain the existence of those situations ahead of time, and practice things like "get off the road" or "let go of that cooking pot".
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danaris 429 days ago
...but if you haven't been doing this with your child up to now, and you suddenly start, it probably won't work right away.

A foundation of trust has to be built up, and that can take years, in some cases, especially if your child feels that you have a long pattern of not taking them seriously or caring about what they think or feel.

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