[dirtybirdnj]

> You need to spend lots of time around good people. You need a job that gives you daily positive social connection. You need to actively look for that.

Trying to find this has been one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. Losing everything, having my idea of what friendship and love can be shattered without any closure or explanation.

I just can't make friends anymore. It's like trying to walk on a broken leg. I can find new acquaintances but making any meaningful connections with people I can depend on is literally fucking impossible for me right now. I am having panic attacks and nervous breakdowns about it.

I don't know how to get out of this cycle. I don't think it's possible. I think I am so damaged that I just need to live without my needs being met. It's the only way forward but it seems so wrong and painful.

[johntitorjr]

I know what you're going through. It's so incredibly hard to rejoin society after a period of isolation, social skills atrophy. Making a new close friend in middle age is not easy.

You sound like you're where I was 1-2 years ago. I still deeply miss my old life, but I'm no longer at the bottom of a hole that seems impossible to climb out of.

>I think I am so damaged that I just need to live without my needs being met. It's the only way forward but it seems so wrong and painful.

Yes. Put one foot in front of the other and bear the pain. It won't always suck this bad. I struggle with anhedonia and used to think it made life not worth living. Then I experienced psycotic depression, and now that I'm on the other side the anhedonia is bearable by comparison. Life's never so bad it can't get worse, hitting really deep lows gives you perspective on accepting more shallow lows. You may never feel great, but you can feel good enough to make living life better than the alternative.

I'd be happy to chat sometime if you want.