[ahwelitif]

Maintaining your social life indeed takes real work and effort.

Somehow, though, I suspect that insinuating I need extra rest after giving my emotional labor to "plan a night out with the guys" wouldn't go over so well with my wife. I think there is further nuance to be had here.

[enragedcacti]

Once such nuance is that maintaining familial relationships is a shared responsibility whereas planning a night out with the guys is not. That said, I don't know your wife but I bet if you said "Bob is getting divorced and needed support but it was brutal so I just I need some alone time", she'd probably be receptive to that.

[nineplay]

I think the nuance is between you and your wife and it is truly a pity if you feel you can't tell her that you need a rest. The other nuance is the continuing pressure on men to show no weakness. I keep hoping for some change here but I feel the pressure only increases and is to some degree self-reinforcing. If you aren't willing to admit weakness even to your life partner than what chance is there that other men will.

[hkt]

> I think the nuance is between you and your wife and it is truly a pity if you feel you can't tell her that you need a rest

Realistically, male weakness is repugnant to a lot of women. It is a huge gamble for anyone to show any whatsoever, as it is often construed as laziness. Feminism does a great job of understanding and articulating women's problems, but hasn't got much to say about how heterosexual women can often perpetuate some of the worst elements of masculinity.

[nineplay]

There's 'a lot of women' and then there's the poster's life partner. If he can't express his feelings to her than he's got bigger problems than 'kin work.

Feminism has its ups and downs but its not going to be able to fix every gender related problem everywhere. Change begins at home.

[dymk]

Luckly, that's not what the author was suggesting. Now, if you were tasked with planning a dinner party, getting groceries, and cooking for a group of family friends, then asking for a break afterwards would be reasonable.

[michaelt]

> Somehow, though, I suspect that insinuating I need extra rest after giving my emotional labor to "plan a night out with the guys" wouldn't go over so well with my wife.

In my culture, events with the guys seems much easier to plan.

The guys will have a great time even if I only feed them takeaway pizza and beer. Barbecue hasn't been assembled? They'll assemble it, light it, do the cooking, and do most of the clean-up too. If we go out for food, we can walk into pretty much any restaurant, we all have money and we'll all eat anything. Staying the night? The guys will show up with camp beds and sleeping bags if they need to. For the first event I had a backup barbecue prepared, in case the halal guy and the vegetarian guy wanted to keep their stuff separate - turns out no worries, just do our stuff first.

And everyone has a great time! This counts as absolutely crushing it, in terms of planning events with the guys, in my society.

On the other hand, big family events? There'll be a giant spread of home cooked food. Vegetarian options, vegan options, gluten-free options. Special food for the fussy nephew who'll only eat baked beans. Some people will show up with four different cakes. Some people will have baked practice cakes in advance to test out the new recipe before the big day.

[balfirevic]

> Somehow, though, I suspect that insinuating I need extra rest after giving my emotional labor to "plan a night out with the guys" wouldn't go over so well with my wife.

Why not? That's perfectly reasonable thing to do.

[spencerflem]

I mean, the article is saying that planning a night out isn't "emotional labor", so you agree.

They are saying it's kinwork