[markeroon]

> Extroverts don't understand this concept of limited capacity for socialization.

Othering >50% of your audience isn’t the best way to make a point, and plenty of extroverts understand this concept perfectly well (myself as an example).

[khendron]

You are right, but it doesn't take many extroverts not understanding this concept to make it feel like it's everybody :)

My mother, for example, is a serious extrovert. When I explained to her that socializing seriously drains me and I need to, for example, spend time alone after attending a party, her response was to ask if I'd seen a therapist about it.

[boogieknite]

my own experience as someone who used to be very extroverted:

extroversion was meeting a social expectation. i had good social skills and people relied on me to carry social situations. i could entertain, organize and predict needs. i earned that expectation to feed my ego and then became trapped in a vicious cycle.

then i had a fresh start after moving to a new city for grad school and have done my best to avoid any vocal leadership for anything because i know what can happen. organizational, behind the scenes leadership is ok. i wonder how many extroverts would rather be introverts given the opportunity and some introspection

[Dracophoenix]

> i had good social skills and people relied on me to carry social situations. i could entertain, organize and predict needs.

Exactly how were you doing so? Were you able to predict these needs with "tells" or some other reference point? Did you get assessments wrong?

> i earned that expectation to feed my ego and then became trapped in a vicious cycle.

What caused you to think it wasn't worth it anymore?

[boogieknite]

> Exactly how were you doing so? Were you able to predict these needs with "tells" or some other reference point? Did you get assessments wrong?

tells is a good way to put it. had a close friend from my hometown who lived for manipulating people and hanging out with him for 4 years taught me a lot. if he pulled some slick move or long setup on someone (including me) hed discuss the chain of tells and decisions if i asked him. boiled down mostly to confidence, conditioning, in group/out group. ugly stuff. the hook was his ability to manufacture novel, cheap thrills. this was enough to keep everyone interested in sticking around. he liked having cronies and i could do a b- version of him.

ive made many wrong assessments. i ignored the mistakes and focused on successes to keep feeding my ego. to abuse an analogy id burn a bridge without thinking of it because i was already making a new friend to fill that spot.

> What caused you to think it wasn't worth it anymore?

after leaving that environment i noticed how relaxing it was to hang out with my own thoughts. i realized how i was just playing part i had cast myself in for attention and no other real benefit. i happened to take an Excel VBA class my senior year and became obsessed with programming. became more interested in learning to code than anything else. i noticed the benefits of avoiding attention. introverts probably learn these lessons early but i learned them late.

[coldtea]

Saying what some outliers do doesn't refute a statement about what most in a group do...

[litenboll]

I agree that making an absolute statement like that is not great. But surely, if you understand the concept, you also know that it's way too common for extroverts having zero understanding that some people need to be alone to recharge. They'll call you boring when you don't want to go out after being at the office for 8 hours already, for example. "Come on, it will be so much fun! What will you do when you get home? Play games lol? Come on get out in the world and meet some people!!" It's also very common for extroverts to assume that just because you need to recharge by not being with people that introverts don't like being with people in the first place.

Social energy for me is a bit like physical energy. I love working out, but then I get tired and need to rest. In this analogy the extroverts somehow gets more energy while working out. That part is very hard for me to understand.

The pandemic was a total eye opener for me. I always thought that (ever since I started working) I didn't like to go to after works, nor parties in the weekend. What I realized was that I really love those things, but that my social battery drains completely at the office so I needed the evenings and most of the weekend to keep running. Hybrid work has complete changed my ability to socialize outside work.