[shever73]

This is a very Irish thing. Funerals in Ireland are always well-attended and going to a funeral - even of someone you don't know - is important in the community (see this recent news article, for example[0]). I notice the author's surname is Sullivan.

As my grandmother liked to repeat: "If you don't go to someone's funeral, they won't come to yours."

[0] https://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/crowd-shows-up-to-funera...)

[io84]

I was raised like this and find it heart warming to see funerals filled with wider community.

I did misjudge it once: I was living in a different country with two fellow Irish people and the relative of a good friend died. In Ireland it would have been expected that we attend the funeral, in this case we showed up and there were only six closest relatives there, and our presence just felt inappropriate. I now know your place at a funeral is about your place in a wider community. That often overlaps with being a connection-of-a-connection, but not always.

[jll29]

I refuse to believe for a second that your attendance was considered inappropriate; the person being burried at least would have surely been happy for you to be there and think of him or her.

Also, your intentions are to be commended regardless of what the relatives thought (it's not the relative's funeral, so they are not the yardstick).

[bluGill]

No, different culture. That are many different cultures and OP made the common mistake of not understanding until it was too late that he was intruding on a different culture. Even though OP was in the wrong I cannot fault him for the mistake, there often is no way to know if you are not very close to the family what the correct culture is.

[nytesky]

We had a similar issue. We ended up at a funeral for our daughter’s teacher (we brought the kids as she knew all of them), and somehow ended up in the family greeting line intended for close friends and family. It felt so intrusive and they were like “why are you here”.

The cherry on top was our youngest started getting restless during service and we had to leave early and we didn’t sit in the back.

I had only been to my parents funerals at this point, and never experienced a more formal religious service, but we were the worst in so many ways. I still regret it 10 years later.

[jll29]

To ask "why are you here?" suggests these people were poorly raised or just plain rude.

Attendees of a funeral make an effort to pay their respects to the deceased and to express their condolences to the family left behind.

[myko]

If I understand correctly I think they and ended up in the line of folks being given condolences as if they were close family.

Sounds extremely awkward and like a plot Michael Scott would get himself wrapped into.

[wbl]

There are much gentler ways to point out the mishap and correct it but a funeral is not likely to have people on their best manners.

[nytesky]

I mean those weren’t the exact words. They were very gracious, but it was clear we had goofed and intruded.

[circlefavshape]

Also it's weird as an Irish person to see people saying "the time came to speak, and nobody did". I've never been to a funeral that didn't have a eulogy. Someone always prepares a speech and delivers it

[HWR_14]

A formal eulogy is a different part from when they ask if anyone from the audience wants to get and share a few words about the departed.

[bluGill]

As I've said a couple different time, culture matters. There are many different cultures and they handle this differently. I've been to funerals where only the preacher talks, I've been to funerals where someone prepares a speech beforehand. I've been to funerals where opportunity is given for anyone to speak. This is just in my small area of life, as you go around the world cultures have many many different customs around death.

[hindsightbias]

More than once a bar stranger has said “I thought this was a wedding party” at my family Irish Wakes.

[MrDrDr]

I can agree with this. Growing up in the UK, with an Irish mother, I was taken to funerals as a child that I really did not want to attend. Like the author I now always go the funeral, and have found it strange this attitude is not more pervasive.

[ivanche]

Ah now I understand why it was a lot of fun at Finnegan's wake!