[tjah1087]

“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”

― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

[david-gpu]

That assumes that you come back.

What happens most commonly is that after some time abroad you marry (usually a foreigner) and have children who belong where they were born. What now? I speak from experience.

I wish people would pause for a moment before universally recommending something that they either have not experienced, or they have gotten away from. Such as Terry Pratchett, who never even lived abroad!

[sillyfluke]

Not a very charitable reading of the grandparent post. They were very upfront about not traveling anymore. They are, if anything by their own explicit example, vouching for the holistic experience of traveling a lot at one point in life and then settling down. This idea that someone should not recommend something if they are not actively doing the thing at this very moment in time is ridiculous, especially when they specified the context.

ps. there's no reason for the pratchett quote to not apply to regular travelling, as pratchett must have done a little of since he apparently shot a documentary with a bunch of orangutans in borneo.

[david-gpu]

> Not a very charitable reading of the parent post

Sure. I may well have misinterpreted what they said. I hope they accept my apologies.

> This idea that someone should not recommend something if they are not actively doing the thing at this very moment is ridiculous

Is it possible you made a "not very charitable reading" of my post as well?

> They are, if anything by their own explicit example, vouching for the holistic experience of traveling a lot at one point in life and then settling down

...which is not always possible, as I have tried to warn people multiple times in these threads. Once you move to a foreign country, you often end up with professional, relationship, and cultural ties that it is not possible to "settle down" -- by which I think you mean "return to your country of origin", please correct me if I'm wrong.

And, in the meantime, you will progressively become estranged from friends, family, and your own cultural heritage. It creeps up on you and by the time you notice it's often too difficult to do anything about it, especially if you have built family ties in your new country.

Look, I am happy that things turned out great for the OP of this thread. I really am. But recommending it to everybody without caveats is a step too far for me.

[rex_gallorum2]

You are absolutely correct. Living abroad for any length of time comes with tremendous costs. It changes you permanently.

In the end you can never really go home, because home as you knew it isn't there anymore, and you yourself have changed.

It can be very detrimental in more practical ways too - things few people pause to consider.

Edit:

Beware of the dreaded Ds such as death, divorce, debt, disability, etc. It's easy if you are young and consider a short stay abroad - but growing old abroad is another thing entirely.

[grugagag]

Two options the kids could adapt to. One of the partners will have to make a concession too but if it’s for the overall better health of the family it’s worth it IMO. Whats the point to live an unhealthy life?

[david-gpu]

There are no universally positive options, only tradeoffs. That is the theme I've been trying to convey in this thread from the beginning, fighting against the simplistic memes that are so often repeated about living abroad.

[notyourwork]

It seems odd to me that you are speaking as if your choices are not decisions you have to own the consequence of. You get married, you have kids, you made those choices but refuse to acknowledge that.

[david-gpu]

> It seems odd to me that you are speaking as if your choices are not decisions you have to own the consequence of. You get married, you have kids, you made those choices but refuse to acknowledge that.

Where did I refuse to acknowledge that, exactly?

Our choices indeed have consequences. And it is popular to paint "moving abroad" as a universally positive experience, so I want to counterbalance that with information about some of the common real-world consequences that come with that choice. How is adding some information and nuance a problem?

[notyourwork]

You are blaming the place as the issue when the reality is your choice to get married and start a family is what holds you to a place. That would apply to lots of people regardless of where they live. Painting this is a con to moving abroad isn't really, to me, not obvious. I get married to someone with family ties in a geographically disparate place to me, I should not be surprised that we will have pulls to our family.

When was the choice to get married and have kids not an obvious choice with consequences. That happens when you get married and have kids in the city you grew up in all the same as it does if you find a partner abroad. It's not abroad that I read as your issue, its your marriage and family keeping you in a place. That's obvious.