[profsummergig]

Indian here. I've never fit in any of the traditional Indian cliques. Such a blessing! At the end of the day, you're going to lose your individuality over the group or sub-group you're identifying with. And you're going to be pulled into their politics and drama. Read Naval's thoughts on the importance of solitude and dis-identification with any group, in order to be able to become the individual you are meant to be. And thank your stars that none of the traditional Indian cliques wants you.

[sdlkj-]

Hah, appreciate the response. Being able to stay out the drama is nice - though I do find my self sometimes craving the support structures and sense of belonging that these cliques provide. Especially when at work all I hear around me is Mandarin or Hindi, in the hallways, at lunch, essentially in any context except full-on work meetings where it almost feels like they're _forced_ to speak English for me.

[profsummergig]

My 0.02 cents on this issue: it is terribly rude to speak Mandarin or Hindi, when in a mixed group setting at work, in the USA. Be happy you didn't become one of these rude people. Support structures... I get it. It does help to have a sort of extended-family sometimes. Here's what I've found helpful: get into an activity where such support structures organically form. And you can have the support structure without attendant ethno-centric drama and politics.

There are also downsides to being in these ethnocentric cliques. Know the crabs in a bucket effect, and the saying about how you can't become a prophet in your own town. There's a strong anchoring effect your own people have regarding you. When they see you rising up, they wonder why you're succeeding and they're not, and try to drag you down (instead of celebrating your rise). There's a strong hierarchy within these cliques, and you're not supposed to break-out of your "correct position" in the hierarchy.

Also, if it helps to know this: I have relatives who are thick in the middle of their Indian cliques. What do they do when they're not with their clique-members? Trash-talk about them.

[sdlkj-]

I appreciate the response, and it does indeed help. Maybe I'm not missing out on much after all.

The activity is good advice. Some of my closest friends I've meet though hobbies I enjoyed - I'll just need to apply the same strategy, though it definitely feels tougher to do without having school as a crutch to force socializing.

[written-beyond]

Sounds like an excellent opportunity to learn mandarin.

[em-bee]

i left my home country and generally stayed away from most expat groups primarily to get away from the people i was being identified with and pretty much avoid all the things you mention.

[HeyLaughingBoy]

I haven't thought about this in a long time, but as we were leaving Guyana, I remember my paternal grandfather warning me to stay away from the Guyanese in America: "they will just try to pull you down to their level."

[kagolaub]

I've heard similar sentiments, but I've always felt like there's something pernicious about this attitude, similar to self-internalized racism. "Down to their level" == the same "disadvantaged" state of affairs that we come from.

[HeyLaughingBoy]

What I said was basically the rollup. There was more detail to his comment that I didn't think necessary to elaborate on.

[photonthug]

> Read Naval's thoughts on the importance of solitude and dis-identification with any group

Hard thing to search for.. can you provide a book title or something?

[iviv]

I’m not the OP, but perhaps https://www.navalmanack.com/