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by s1artibartfast 618 days ago
This is what I find as strange. Why couldn't you sleep at night?

In my mind, the moral, healthy, productive, and pro-social thing would be to continue friendship.

I dont think shunning people builds bridges or helps anyone.

Then again, my generation grew up with stories like black activists who befriended KKK members and slowly converted them with compassion and challenging their preconceived notions.
1 comments
kelseyfrog 618 days ago
I couldn't sleep at night because it would cause cognitive dissonance. I don't think I'm capable of intellectualizing my way out of it.

More power to the people who can do it. It's just not within my ability.

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s1artibartfast 618 days ago
im curious what the dissonance is. what is the it in "out of _it_"

is it just cultural instinct and expectation?

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kelseyfrog 617 days ago
This is one of those comments that stuck with me. First because of my inability to articulate a response, but I've had some time to think.

When I think about why I'm uncomfortable with the idea, it stems from feeling like a lack the ability to push back against bigotry with tact. While some people have this skill, I do not. The consequence of this is either not engaging with bigots, or not speaking up when something bigoted is said.

I believe that not speaking up against bigoted beliefs implicitly normalizes their acceptability. What I mean by this is that I personally and deeply value tolerance and non-judgementalness with the exception of bigotry[1].

Faced with an inability to tactfully push back, I feel left with not engaging with folks who are overtly bigoted. Saying, "well you should not do that or feel that way," doesn't change the emotional response I have to that situation, it only pushes the intellectual part of me farther way from the emotional side creating a wider gap between feeling and intellect - effectively sowing greater cognitive dissonance.

More power to the people who have the skills to tactfully engage with bigots, but that's not me right now. Maybe someday.

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance

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