[djaychela]

Just had a cancer diagnosis (bile duct, I'm 53). Surgery in a months time will hopefully see me healthy again after it, but I've already decided to make changes even if it has spread and I only have a much shorter time to live.

I always thought I'd contemplated life and death before this (I am not religious), but having had several weeks of genuinely not knowing if I only had a week to live, I think you only really do this fully in that kind of situation. Even if I am cured, my life and attitude will never be the same again.

[Dalewyn]

My mother suddenly passed from cancer last year at 68, that harrowing experience violently reshifted a lot of my life philosophies.

This was perhaps exacerbated by both my grandparents on mom's side also passing just a couple years prior back to back.

Among other things violently reshifted:

* Time is finite, grows more valuable as I age, and I do not have as much as I think I do. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow.

* Time is money and money is time. Money in hand can be spent for others' time so I don't have to spend mine, and money can be replenished while my time cannot be. Money can also be borrowed, but I cannot borrow more time. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow.

* Take nothing for granted. Social Security being the prime example; my mother waited until 65 to start taking it and so she barely enjoyed only 3 years of it. I refuse to repeat that, I am taking Social Security at 62 ASAP and screw anyone trying to tell me otherwise for any reason. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow.

* People here today might not be here tomorrow, for any or no reason. The experience of spending time with them can only be had today. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow.

* Small problems are not worth the time of day, it is fine to resolve them in the quickest and easiest way possible. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow.

* Most of the goings-on in the world will come and go time and time again. If something comes up, it too shall pass and come up again in due time to pass again. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow.

* When I'm finally gone, I'm gone. It is not worth the time of day today to care about what happens after, I will be dead and literally can't care or interject. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow.

[laurencerowe]

> * Take nothing for granted. Social Security being the prime example; my mother waited until 65 to start taking it and so she barely enjoyed only 3 years of it. I refuse to repeat that, I am taking Social Security at 62 ASAP and screw anyone trying to tell me otherwise for any reason. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow.

Not financial advice, but I think it's worth thinking separately about when you stop working and when you take Social Security.

If your retirement assets are mostly in a 401k or similar then you need to work out how to spread those out without them running out before you're gone. Annuities are incredibly expensive so delaying Social Security actually seems like the best way to insure somewhat against running out of money if you happen to live longer, which would make me feel more comfortable about spending more in retirement.

If I had a traditional pension which pays you the same amount each year and wanted to stop working at 62 then taking Social Security early would be much more attractive.

[Dalewyn]

Objectively, my mom was right to wait and in fact it can be argued she should have waited to 70. We run a small family business, so she had steady income right up until her deathbed. She didn't need that Social Security income.

But financial theory blew straight out the fucking window when I was going through her affairs.

One of the things I found from deep in her office was a notebook, in it were numbers figuring how much Social Security she would get if she took at <X> age all the way from age 62 to 70. She also extrapolated all the way to at least age 80; it was clear she intended on enjoying a long (semi-)retirement.

I also remembered at that point how mom approached us once when she was approaching 62 (and obviously in good health then) asking if she should wait or take Social Security ASAP. All of us (myself, my sister, my dad/her husband) all told her to take it ASAP; she ended up meeting halfway waiting to 65, but in hindsight we were clearly right to tell her to take ASAP.

Seeing that notebook and remembering that conversation still pains me greatly, because it's a whole lot of "could have" that got violently taken away from her due to literally sheer dumb bad luck. I absolutely refuse to repeat this if I can help it, so I'm taking Social Security ASAP at age 62.

[rthrth45y]

How have these things tangibly changed your life and behavior? Do you have things you could share as an example? I never know what that looks like. Everything I want to do in life to enjoy it requires money I do not have.

[SoftTalker]

Try things that don’t require (a lot of) money. Stuff like expensive travel to far away places is overrated in my opinion. Take walks in the local parks, volunteer locally or join local clubs. You may find something you never thought about that you like doing and that costs very little.

Acquiring expensive stuff is almost never deeply rewarding. There are exceptions of course such as good tools you might need for a hobby you enjoy but used tools are often a bargain or there are makerspaces or community workshops you might explore.

[Dalewyn]

There are two significant changes I've noticed in myself:

* I mostly stopped caring what others think about me.

Outside of a small handful of family and friends, peoples' opinions sincerely do not matter. I am wasting my already finite time thinking about them. That means I've stopped caring as much about looking good, speaking and acting cleanly, and so on in public. Did I disturb someone's peace of mind? Did I make someone happy? Sorry/you're welcome but I don't and can't care; I don't even know who they are and I have things to do.

Essentially, "gaze upon my field of damns and notice that it is barren".

* I am much more likely to purchase premium services and products now.

My time is finite, I do not wish to spend it on things I don't care about any more than I have to. This means I purchase a Windows license or a Macbook rather than deal with Linux config files; I hire a gardener every now and then to tend to my lawn; I take my car to the dealer/mechanic rather than fixing it myself; and so on.

I am saving my own time by spending my money, time I can then spend on things I truly care about.

[5g45b4]

This is all predicated on the fact that money is a resource that everyone has access to, which is not the case. Unfortunately, the rest of us have to work and do things ourselves because we cannot afford to outsource those things. The cost of doing so is literally out of reach. This entire thread is steeped heavily in privilege. I wish, and a huge number of people like me also wish, that we even had the option to trade money for time or the option to just decide work is stressful and we would rather reclaim our time with our family. Instead it's missing your grandparents birthdays and eventually their funerals because work won't let you go and you can't afford rent next month.

[Ctyra]

> Take nothing for granted. Social Security being the prime example; my mother waited until 65 to start taking it and so she barely enjoyed only 3 years of it. I refuse to repeat that, I am taking Social Security at 62 ASAP and screw

For those inclined to do financial planning: Recently a colleague of mine retired. He mentioned that he plans on waiting for a while before he will start taking social security payments. His logic was that if he were to live longer, this decision would turn out to be a very good decision. This may not be a great decision in case he dies early, but then he won't be there to regret it. I liked the way he phrased it. Of course, his financial situation also allows him to live now without touching his social security. For those not in such good financial state, the decision might be lot more complex.

[Dalewyn]

I replied to another comment that might be of interest to you:

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41760850

[hermitcrab]

I've had friends that 'live for the day'. They were fun to spend a day with. But their lives were chaotic car crashes as they stumbled from one crisis to the next due to a lack of any plan or forethought. So I think there has to be a happy medium.

[Dalewyn]

I agree throwing any and all future planning out the window is folly. What I was getting at is that if I was 50:50 or even 40:60 now:tomorrow in how I carried my daily life before, it is now reshifted to 80:20 now:tomorrow.

Essentially I am placing far greater weight on today than tomorrow, because mom demonstrated to me that time is fleeting and I can't have enough of it.

[mulhoon]

Great thoughts, thanks for sharing.

[nickjj]

If you like that, you may like the book "Die With Zero: Getting All You Can from Your Money and Your Life". Even if you don't want to die with $0 there's a lot of sound advice around having good experiences now instead of waiting until you retire.

[brucedawson]

"Die Broke" is similar. I read it ten years ago and it completely changed my attitude towards money. At least partially because of it I just gave my adult kids (28 and 30) as much money as I could as an early inheritance. It has way more value to them now than in 10, 20, or 30 years when I die. Plus I get to see them enjoy it, they get to thank me, they're not waiting for me to die, etc.

I am lucky to be able to do that, of course, but many would can give an early inheritance don't.

Which is to say, huge +1 to reading "Die With Zero" or "Die Broke"

[nickjj]

Thanks, I haven't heard of "Die Broke".

> "Die Broke" is similar. I read it ten years ago and it completely changed my attitude towards money.

One point "Die With Zero" makes within the first chapter or so is valuing experiences early on because experiences gain value over time, sort of like memory dividends. That is something I never thought about in that context but it goes a lot further than that too. An experience you have may shape you as a person. If you hoard your savings like a dragon until you're 60+ then you're missing out on decades of potential situations that can have a huge impact on your life.

[ChrisMarshallNY]

Back in ‘96, I had a brain tumor, operation, and learning to walk and chew gum again.

Kind of a bummer.

At the time, I wasn’t ready to retire, but if it had happened 20 years later, it probably would have resulted in my retirement.

[chrisweekly]

Welcome to the club nobody wants to join. I had a similar experience 12 years ago. Pls email (address in bio) if I can be of any assistance (e.g. book recs). In any case, good luck w/ your surgery!

[unshavedyak]

It’s funny, I’ve always just been kinda waiting for death. Probably need meds but never felt like changing “who I am”. I’m curious to see what happens to me when that cancer day comes for someone so apathetic to the whole life experience.