Welcome to the club nobody wants to join. I had a similar experience 12 years ago. Pls email (address in bio) if I can be of any assistance (e.g. book recs). In any case, good luck w/ your surgery!
It’s funny, I’ve always just been kinda waiting for death. Probably need meds but never felt like changing “who I am”. I’m curious to see what happens to me when that cancer day comes for someone so apathetic to the whole life experience.